Rick’s List
You may not know it, but I'm pretty famous as the go-to guy in terms of "doctoring" holiday songs by contemporary artists. What happened was an accident. I was out boozing it up with the late, great George Michael and he asked if I'd give a listen to a demo of a seasonal song he'd written — and of course it was "Last Christmas."
I was honest with George. "It's brilliant. Almost perfect," I said. "But you should leave out the trash can lids being smashed together every four bars." You readers/listeners don't know what I'm talking about, and that's the point. George actually removed them from the original recording. They sounded horrible.
Well, George told a lot of his musical friends what I'd done and, before I knew it, all kinds of pop stars were calling me to "tinker" with their holiday songs. "Give it the Rick Touch" was the phrase that became familiar in the industry every December. Here are just a few more examples. 1 "The Christmas Shoes" — We all love the heartbreaking ballad about a boy who wants to buy his dying mother a pair of shoes in which she can meet Jesus. When the tune first came to me, though, the lyrics had the kid wanting to get mom a poisonous cobra. I didn't see how that worked very well and came up with "shoes" instead.
2 "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" — Sir Paul didn't have a bridge for this delightful favorite. "Got any ideas, Ricko?" McCartney asked. "I'd like to convey how stupid and unimaginative little kids are but I'm out of concepts." So I came up with the choir of children singing "Ding dong / ding dong / ding dong" because, well, it's moronic.
3 "All I Want for Christmas is You" — Mariah Carey and co-writer Walter Afanasieff wanted a peppy holiday dance anthem but couldn't get beyond their original "All I Want for Christmas is Dental Insurance" concept. I gave them a gentle push with "you" instead of the tooth stuff. With the royalties, both Mariah and Walter treated themselves to oral surgery.
4 Interesting "The Christmas Song" connection — This Mel Tormé/Bob Wells hit started as a tuba-heavy oom-pah polka wherein Jack Frost was roasting o'er an open fire rather than chestnuts. My father, who was an exterminator in LA at the time, was debugging Tormé's vermin-clustered bungalo and overheard the songwriters working on the tune. He recommended they get rid of the tubas and instead go with a A6 / Bm7 / C#m7 / Dmaj7 piano structure. Note: Dad actually loved the idea of Jack Frost writhing in a hellish blaze, but someone later switched it to "chestnuts." Still ...