Time allows man to see role he played in divorce

DEAR ABBY: After 16 months of casual dating, I married my ex-wife. We met through Facebook. Unfortunately, we couldn't make the marriage work, and after two years we divorced.

That was two years ago. It was my first marriage and her second. I was angry that we couldn't make it work, and I blamed her for it. I felt hate and disgust for her and blocked her out of my life.

One night I was bored and decided to go back through all my old Facebook posts. When I reached the year my ex and I began talking and reread the posts from after we were married, I realized that it was my fault our marriage failed. My ex-wife loved me so much you could feel it through her posts to me, but I didn't reciprocate that love. I feel horrible that I didn't recognize it during our time together.

She has since moved on and is getting married next year. I want her to know how sorry I am for giving up on us and apologize for all the hateful things I said about her. My feelings have nothing to do with her moving on. I am truly happy for her.

Should I tell her how sorry I am, or must I continue to live with the shame I feel? It's tearing me up, but I think it may be best to leave her alone.

— IT WAS MY FAULT

DEAR MY FAULT: I don't think it is ever too late to offer an apology. You and your ex have both grown since the divorce, albeit in opposite directions. Write her a letter, tell her you are sorry and wish her well. It's the right thing to do, but do not expect absolution.