Pick’s List
I don't know how many Rick's Lists I've written. Hundreds, I suppose. They are theoretically humorous. Based on comments I receive, many people don't think so. That's okay. Humor is a subjective beast.
I find all these lists funny to one degree or another; otherwise, I wouldn't write them. But throughout this experience, which I hope continues for a while, it's been harder some weeks to find to think of something "funny" to write than others. Something usually pops up, plus I have a list of potential Lists topics stored away if I need inspiration.
This is the first time I can remember, though, when I don't feel like being funny. It's been a week of developments in our country when there's damned little to laugh about — and I say that acknowledging I'm a person who gets through life laughing at the darkest moments. It's not always comfortable, particularly for those around me, but I believe most psychologists acknowledge that "inappropriate" laughter or humor at the darkest moments is a legitimate stress releaser.
Anyway, I've got nothing funny this week, but my contract nonetheless requires a list. Fair enough.
1. Buy a loved one an AR-15.
2. And lots of ammunition.
3. You're welcome for the above, NRA, please make the check out to Rick Koster c/o The Day.
4. If you're having an affair with a porn star, make sure your personal attorney pays her off so that when the lawyer discloses it, the actress' nondisclosure agreement is void and she is free to tell all.
5. Hey, Stormy Daniels: I've got three published books to my credit. They didn't sell worth a damn, but the point is, I can maneuver my way around narrative and sentence structure. Need a ghostwriter?
6. "To be a pig is a boar." That's a joke I wrote in sixth grade. Thought it was at least worth it to try to be funny.
7. A comical riddle: Is it harder to pass a security clearance to buy an assault weapon capable of chewing through 45 school kids in 60 seconds or obtain permanent security clearance to be on the president's executive staff? Apparently the latter.
8. You don't have to be Thomas Jefferson to see this deal coming: John Kelly's out, Stormy Daniels is in — on the condition she doesn't write a book about her fun with Donny.
9. The Inauguration Committee paid $26 million to a friend of Melania Trump to help out with the jamboree. Fantastic and lucky timing! It seems Melania's pal by coincidence started her "party planning" company just a few months before the inauguration.
10. I was wrong. This List is very funny. Cruelly so.