Man’s choice of wedding day steals spotlight from stepmom

DEAR ABBY: I’m struggling because my stepson has chosen to get married on my birthday. I have been his stepmom for 18 years. It feels like a punch in the chest. My in-law family members are saying things like “OMG, how do you feel about that? I can’t believe you’re going to let that happen. It will no longer be YOUR special day.”

My feelings are deeply hurt. My husband says it’s no big deal and I shouldn’t let it bother me. But every time someone asks me about it, I feel hurt, and when I’m finally by myself, I cry. I don’t know what to do. I need someone’s help. Is what my stepson is doing bad etiquette, a slap in the face or no big deal?

— BIRTHDAY GIRL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: That your stepson would be married on your birthday isn’t a slap in the face; it’s a compliment. If you like his fiancee, consider her to be the ultimate birthday present. I’m surprised anyone would imply, as your in-laws have, that their anniversary would create any kind of conflict. Think of it this way: Your stepson and his new wife will DEAR IN THE DARK: You make a valid point. I’ll be sure to reread your letter if I ever need to join a dating site, and so, I am sure, will my “sisters” out there. Thanks for the heads-up!

DEAR ABBY: My sisterin-law has had an incredible amount of cosmetic work done, particularly on her face. She is constantly looking for the next new thing to try to look younger — “push this up, tighten that up, erase these marks,” etc.

She is a pretty girl, and she thinks this is making her better-looking, but it’s making her look worse. Should I let her know how I feel about what she’s doing or leave it alone?

— AGING GRACEFULLY

DEAR AGING GRACEFULLY: What your sister-in-law does with her face and body is her business, just as what you are doing — or not doing — with yours is your choice. Much as you are tempted to tell her that her attempts to look better are futile, if you want a cordial relationship with her, keep your opinion to yourself.