Rick's List

Dateline London — The Day has sent me here to cover the Royal Wedding, which, as I type this, is scheduled to take place starting ... NOW and continuing for the next 17 days. Here are some thoughts:

1 The press accommodations are hierarchical, which is to say the British dailies, tabloids and BBC folks get superior access, closely followed by the big shots from the U.S. and Europe. I just saw David Muir and the whole cast of "Good Morning America" eating deep-fried kidney pie on a stick! Me? My seat is on a sheep farm in Scotland.

2 Oh, the actual wedding: Apparently, one of those Prince guys — Harry, the one with red hair who looks suspiciously like no one else in the Royal Family (and Princess Di ain't talkin'!) — is marrying an American named Meghan Markle.

3 There was quite a bit of harrumphing about this. "Wot, Harry? Can't find a local bird that suits you?" That sort of thing.

4 I think the Brits enjoy harrumphing in general, and it's an actual course of study in local schools. You can't get into Oxford or Cambridge — either of which might be thought of as Dartmouth with tea — if you don't score highly on your "Harrumph and Cavort" A Levels.

5 The bride's father is reportedly ill and can't be here to walk her down the aisle. This caused a LOT of harrumphing as it tossed "royal tradition" into considerable disarray. The last time a Royal Wedding was disrupted in similar fashion, two people were beheaded; another was exiled to Calcutta to march around pompously in a Rudyard Kipling outfit; and Winston Churchill tried to turn over in his grave, but he was a large man and it was too much work.

6 Hoping to get a "scoop" — a journalism term seldom heard anymore unless Anderson Cooper is describing the neckline of Stormy Daniels' blouse — I volunteered to walk Meghan down the aisle. For my cheeky lack of respect, I was dispatched to the parking lot where they recently uncovered the skeleton of Richard III. "See if you can find Thomas More down there," snarked one of those tall-hat Beefeater people, handing me a shovel as he swilled his namesake gin.

7 At some point today, Meghan will receive her "official Royal family" title. Her husband, I think, is "Prince Harry Mountbatten-Windsor," so expect something similarly impressive for Meghan. Or perhaps: "Mags, That Yank Tart."

8 Frankly, I have no idea why we Americans give a rat's derriere about any of this.

9 I guess I do sorta like the idea of "royalty" — at least in the context of "King Rick."