Man’s social anxieties prolong his loneliness TO DO TODAY
DEAR ABBY: When I was a teenager, there were many times when I made things awkward. It continues today. I try to have normal conversations with people, but when I do, I have nothing to say. My mind goes blank, so I keep quiet and walk away. I feel like the odd person out each time and like I'm not good enough, and it really sucks.
The only time I'm successful socially with people is at work because I'm kind of forced to be. I really want to make friends and possibly get a girl in my life, but it's almost impossible to do with my social skills. This is so depressing and disappointing that I'm almost ready to quit trying. I need some tips and guidance. Do you have any?
— FRUSTRATED GUY IN FAIRBANKS
DEAR FRUSTRATED GUY: I think so. If you think you are alone in having this problem, you are mistaken. The majority of people have the same insecurities you do. No one is born knowing how to be social. Social adeptness is a skill like any other. It can be learned and, with some practice and effort, polished until it becomes second nature.
You don't have to be handsome to be well-groomed. You don't have to be brilliant or witty, either. Part of being social is showing an interest in other people. Ask them about what they think and encourage them to share their interests and opinions. And when they tell you, be a good listener. Cultivate your own interests and you will have something to talk about with others.
My booklet “How to Be Popular” contains tips on how to approach others, and what to say and what not to say when trying to make conversation. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mt. Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. When you receive it, don't read it just once. Keep it on hand for reference because it contains many helpful suggestions about how to be the kind of individual others find interesting and attractive. Be courteous and show kindness to others. If you do these things, you will find the results you're looking for.
DEAR ABBY: I was divorced three years ago after being married for 28 years. My ex-wife and I had spent the previous 10 years in counseling. I currently go to post-divorce counseling, and my counselor agrees that I was mistreated by my ex and our adult children, who treated me more like an employee.
I have begun seeing a much younger woman, and two of my kids say any relationship with them is predicated on my dating someone “my own age.” I feel this is wrong, and that it's a continuation of them treating me as a servant/dad, versus as a person. My counselor suggests walking away for a bit, to establish new boundaries. Your thoughts?
— BUTLER DAD IN TEXAS
DEAR DAD: I think you should listen to your therapist. Sun Wolf Den. — noon, Mohegan
— 9:30 a.m., East Lyme Community Center, 41 Society Road; free.
— 10 a.m.-2 p.m., Howard T. Brown Park, 100 Chelsea Harbor Drive.
— 10:30 a.m., Crozier Williams Student Center, Connecticut College, 270 Mohegan Ave., New London; dance for people with movement disorders; free; (401) 2617052.
— 1 p.m., Raymond Library, 832 Raymond Hill Road, Oakdale; free; (860) 848-9943.
— 3-6 p.m., Lawrence + Memorial Hospital, 365 Montauk Ave., New London; fog. newlondonfarmersmarket.com.
— 4-7 p.m., Ledyard Fairgrounds, 740 Colonel Ledyard Highway; through ledyardfarmersmarket.org.
— 4-6 p.m., Public Library of New London, 63 Huntington St.; free; (860) 447-1411.
— 6 p.m., Cragin Memorial Library, 8 Linwood Ave., Colchester; screening of “Tag”; free; (860) 5375752.
— 6 p.m., Coogan Farm, 162 Greenmanville Ave., Mystic; for adults and older children; $17 members, $20 nonmembers; (860) 536-1216.
— 6 p.m., Westerly Library, 44 Broad St.; with Susan Mara Bregman, Susan Ducharme Hoben and Felicia Zera Kalapos; hosted by Savoy Bookshop and Cafe; free; (401) 213-3901.
— 6 p.m., La Grua Center, 32 Water St., Stonington; presentation on Native American survivance in southern New England by Jason Mancini, co-founder of the Akomawt Educational Initiative; $5 suggested donation; (860) 535-2300.
— 6:30 p.m., call for location; East Lyme Senior Center, 37 Society Road; for women of all ages; walk-ins encouraged; (860) 767-8540 or (860) 4348183.
— 7 p.m., Mystic and Noank Library, 40 Library St., Mystic; annual meeting and “Tips of the Trade” presentation; free and open to the public; (860) 536-8477.
— 7 p.m., Groton Public Library, 52 Newtown Road; “Exit West” by Mohsin Hamid, this year’s One Book, One Region selection; free; (860) 441-6750.
— 7:30 p.m., Clark Lane Middle School, 105 Clark Lane, Waterford; free and open to the public.
— 10:30 a.m., Stonington Free Library, 20 High St.; for ages 2-5; free; (860) 535-0658.
— 10:30 a.m., Wheeler Library, 101 Main St., North Stonington; creative movement for ages 2-5 with a caregiver; free; (860) 535-0383.
— 11 a.m., Bank Square Books, 53 West Main St., Mystic; music and songs with DJ Danny and Friends; free; (860) 536-3795.
— 11:30 a.m., Wheeler Library, 101 Main St., North Stonington; for ages 2-5 with a caregiver; bring a lunch; free; (860) 535-0383.
— 3 p.m., Cragin Memorial Library, 8 Linwood Ave., Colchester; for grades 6-12; free; (860) 537-5752.
— 3:30 p.m., Groton Public Library, 52 Newtown Road; paper airplane program for grades 6-12; free; (860) 441-6750.