Earthshaking revelation creates sudden new reality for family YOUR STARS

DEAR ABBY: I was happily married with three daughters until I found out I had fathered a son two years before I married my wife. The news was a shock to us all. That information was kept from me for 13 years, and my wife is having a hard time dealing with the situation. We were dating at the time it happened.

I have been trying to do the right thing and involve my son in my life. My wife was all for it, but every now and then something triggers her emotions and she goes off. She throws the word “divorce” at me when she’s upset. I don’t want to have to go through this every couple of months. I love my wife and my family dearly and want to reiterate this did not happen during our marriage. My son is 13, and this is not his fault. The mother said she didn’t tell me at the time because she was afraid, since I was involved with someone else. Later on, when he started asking questions, she told him she had no idea how to get in touch with me.

No one knows what is going on right now except my wife. I haven’t even told my daughters or the rest of my family (siblings, mother, etc.)

yet. Any advice would be a blessing. We are a Christian family.

— COPING IN THE EAST

DEAR COPING: Instead of keeping this a deep, dark, shameful secret, you AND YOUR WIFE should now sit down with your family (parents, siblings, etc.) and tell them what you have learned. When you do, make clear that you intend to treat the boy as a full-fledged family member and expect them to follow suit. Your daughters should be told beforehand about the existence of their half-brother. Your wife should try to make every effort to welcome the boy into the fold during visitation. If she is having trouble handling her emotions, a licensed marriage and family therapist rather than a divorce lawyer may be able to help her.

DEAR ABBY: I have always been nice and respectful to my in-laws. I see them on every holiday and birthday and in between, and buy them nice gifts. For some reason, they treat my husband’s brother’s family very differently than ours. They give them extravagant gifts that cost hundreds of dollars and hand them extra gift cards in front of us. They also treat our children and their cousins differently. As my children get older, I know they will notice.

My husband is very independent. He acts like it doesn’t bother him, but I know in his heart it does. We both have respected professions, keep an immaculate home and try our best to be great parents and family members. How do I accept this inequity and not let it bother me? I know I can’t change them.

— RANKED LOWER IN FLORIDA

DEAR RANKED LOWER: You and your husband are successful people. You do not have to accept the treatment your family has received from your in-laws. You are absolutely correct that your children will begin to notice the disparity in the way they are treated by their grandparents. Continue to be kind and respectful, but see them far less often, and never on occasions when gifts are exchanged. ARIES (March 21-April 19): Spend time sorting out any differences you have with someone you love. Working in unison to reach a similar goal will help you bring about the changes you are hoping to make a little faster. Love is in the stars. 3 stars TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Your changing attitude will push you to new levels. Consider partnering with people who share your opinion but have something different to offer. Discuss your ideas and feelings with someone you love. A decision will lead to an improved lifestyle. 3 stars GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Just do it. Take on a physical challenge that will encourage you to improve your health and fitness. Surround yourself with people who are energetic, proactive and eager to make life better, not those who are wasteful or excessive. 4 stars CANCER (June 21-July 22): Get involved in something you’ve never done before or with people who have something unique to offer. Discussions will inspire you to try something new that will enhance your skills and your knowledge. A partnership handled properly will lead to greater stability. 2 stars LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Say less, and do more. You’ll be remembered for what you contribute, not what you tell people or the criticisms you point out. Look inward, and focus on personal growth, not trying to change others. Put your ego aside and do what’s right. 5 stars VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Catch up with an old friend, or attend a reunion that will allow you to take a walk down memory lane. The information you receive will spark an idea that will lead to future get-togethers. Romance is heightened. 3 stars LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Handle domestic situations with care. Be willing to compromise if it will help you get a piece of what you want as well. Don’t let family dynamics fester. Address issues and offer suggestions that will accommodate everyone, including you. 3 stars SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Spend more time with the people who matter the most. A family gathering where you can express your thoughts and get feedback from people who know and understand what you’ve been through will reinforce what you want to do next. 3 stars SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Fix up your surroundings, host an event or start a new moneymaking project. A positive change will help you move forward. Distance yourself from people and situations that have dragged you down or cost you financially or emotionally. 5 stars CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A steady pace and a calm attitude will help you reach your objective. Emotional arguments with someone who doesn’t share your opinion aren’t going to help you get ahead or bring you joy. Let peace, love and romance be your priority. 2 stars AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Work toward personal goals. Don’t follow others or buy into someone else’s dream. Financial, physical and emotional fitness should be what you strive to obtain. Believe in yourself, set a timeline and don’t stop until you reach your destination. 4 stars PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Lend a helping hand, but don’t let anyone take advantage of you. Offer solutions, and move on to matters that will improve your life. A financial gain or physical change is within reach. A settlement, contract or offer is favored. 3 stars