WITH DIANE GOTTSMAN
Before you leave, strip your bed and ask your host whether they want you to put your sheets and blankets somewhere when you’re done.
Q: Do you always need to bring a host/hostess gift?
A: I always say don’t show up empty-handed. Even if you get off a plane, on the way to the house stop at a bakery or pick up a bottle of wine. Or you could show up with something that might identify you. If you’re an artist, it might be a handmade card or cocktail napkins. It should be something thoughtful and small — nothing over the top. Another nice gift would be a little box of stationery. Don’t exceed your budget, and remember that a gift is not a competition; it comes from the heart. You don’t have to have it wrapped tight like a holiday present, but put it in a gift bag or some kind of decorative wrapping. Make sure it has your name on it so they know who gave them the gift.
Q: Should you expect your host to provide transportation to and from the airport or during your stay?
A: I say don’t expect anything. Unless they offer, don’t expect for them to pick you up or for them to give you a car. Take your own car or rely on Uber.
Q: Is it rude to bring your own food or buy your own groceries when you’re staying at someone else’s house?
A: If you have a serious food allergy, it’s actually polite to offer to bring a dish or two to share with the group. If you require special foods or have certain foods you like to eat for breakfast, for example, you can purchase food while you are visiting and ask your host if there is anything else you can pick up while at the grocery store.
Q: What should you do if you clog the toilet?
A: If you are a guest at someone’s home and you clog their toilet, you can take a quick look around to see if there’s a plunger and try to take care of the issue on your own. If you don’t succeed, however, discreetly tell your host so they can take care of it before the next guest needs to use the restroom. It can be embarrassing to admit, but it’s the right thing to do. Also, the host may know there is a problem with the plumbing and may not be surprised to hear that the toilet was clogged. In other words, it may not be your fault and be a plumbing issue. But you need to tell your host.
Q: You’re visiting your significant other’s family and want to know about the sleeping arrangements. Should you both expect to stay in the same room?
A: Follow the house rules and let them guide you. Let’s say you’re visiting your boyfriend’s family; he should ask them what the rules are and then tell you. Then follow them. Always be respectful of boundaries and house rules. Even if you live with someone at home in another state or city, when you go to their family’s home, it’s the host’s rules.
Q: How can you maneuver out of uncomfortable conversations?
A: The rule is the same: Don’t talk about sex, religion or politics. However, we know it will probably come up in some form, so it’s everyone’s job to keep the conversation pleasant. You don’t want to be the guest who makes everybody else uncomfortable. You can be proactive and say, “This is a tough conversation and I feel like it’s important to keep this conversation festive to respect our host, so let’s please change the subject.” The host has every right to say that as well. But if it’s the host that’s doing it, you can just excuse yourself. We have a right to be polite and proactive.
Q: Should you adjust your sleep schedule to fit your host’s?
A: You should be part of the family. If everybody is up and moving around and you’re not, you’re making everybody walk around quietly and feel ill at ease. Follow the same schedule as your host.
Q: Let’s say you’re staying at someone’s house and they want to go do some activity you can’t afford. Are you expected to take part in all the activities while you’re staying there?
A: It’s okay to opt out. Set boundaries, but set them respectfully. Stay within what’s comfortable for you.
Q: How much should you pitch in to help around the house?
A: You need to pitch in. You need to offer, and if they accept your offer, clean up the dishes, set the table or do whatever it is that they need you to do. Offer to take the trash out to the curb or put the dishes in the dishwasher. You’re not there to be a housekeeper, but you’re not there to have somebody wait on you, either. If you were, you’d be at a hotel.
Opening reception 4-6 p.m. Saturday Melanie Carr Gallery, 1 North Main St. #10, Essex A holiday show of small works by 10 different artists, co-curated by New Hampshire artist Kathleen Jacobs. Runs through Dec. 29. Hours 1-4 Fri.-Sun.; (860) 830-6949.
Opens Wednesday Conencticut River Museum, 67 Main St., Essex The 26th annual interactive show by train artist Steve Cryan. Runs through Feb. 23. Hours 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Tues.-Sun.; (860) 767-8269. MUSEUMS
— Florence Griswold Museum, 96 Lyme St., Old Lyme; through May 24; hours 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Tues.-Sat., 1-5 p.m. Sun.; (860) 4345542.
— Lyman Allyn Art Museum, 625 State St., New London; through summer 2020; also “Legends: The Sports Photography of Walter Iooss” through Jan. 12; hours 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Tues.-Sat., 1-5 p.m. Sun.; (860) 443-2545.
— Mashantucket Pequot Museum and Research Center, 110 Pequot Trail, Mashantucket; through Dec. 1; hours 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Wed.-Sat.; (800) 411-9671.
— Mohegan Cultural Preservation Center, 1 Church Lane, Uncasville; through Dec. 20; hours 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Tues.-Fri.; (860) 862-6209.
— Maritime Art Gallery, Mystic Seaport Museum, 75 Greenmanville Ave., Mystic; through Dec. 31; also “Maritime Miniatures by Maritime Masters” through Jan 31; also “J.M.W. Turner: Watercolors from Tate” through Feb. 23; also “Mary Mattingly’s Open Ocean” in the R.J. Schaefer Building through 2021; hours 9 a.m.-5 p.m. daily; (860) 572-5331.
— New London County Historical Society, Shaw Mansion, 11 Blinman St., New London; through summer 2020; hours 1-4 p.m. Wed.-Fri.; 443-1209.
— Slater Memorial Museum, 108 Crescent St., Norwich; through Dec. 6; hours 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Tues.-Fri., 1-4 p.m. Sat.-Sun. GALLERIES
— Cummings Art Galleries, Connecticut College, 270 Mohegan Ave., New London; through Dec. 6; also “Living Proof” in Shain Library through Nov. 30; hours 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Mon.-Thurs., 1-4 p.m. Fri.-Sun.
— Garde Arts Center, 325 State St., New London; through Jan. 25; (860) 444-7373.
— Groton-New London Airport, 155 Tower Ave., New London; through Dec. 16; 7 a.m.-6 p.m. daily.
— Hygienic Art Galleries, 79 Bank St., New London; through Nov. 23; hours noon-7 p.m. Tues.-Fri., 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Sat., noon-4 p.m. Sun.; (860) 443-8001.