The 214’ers roll to victory over Frogs

In my high school, college and professional athletic career, I have played for the Lancers, Tigers, Matadors, Monarchs, Oilers, Cardinals, Redbirds, and the Magpies.

More and more we see mascot controversy in our country for a lot of “politically correct” reasons. One regional example surfaced last week and spurred debate in every bar and coffee house running along the Interstate 395 corridor. At issue? Whether the original Killingly High School Redmen nickname is racist and should be replaced with Red Hawks.

Actually, it was replaced by Red Hawks — which was not a popular move. Officials, teachers, students, fans, Killingly residents, and school alumni are pointedly divided on the subject — so much so that Killingly’s football team played for a state championship last week without a nickname. No Red Hawks; no Redmen. Just the Killingly football team. Now that’s bizarre.

Empowering local Boards of Education with the function of mascot life or death seems logical considering that members of these boards are elected to important decision-making responsibilities. In addition to establishing district policies, developing an annual budget for public approval, voting on the superintendent’s recommendations on contracts, and the review of courses of study and textbooks, the BOE must now hold the full weight of public opinion and political correctness in deciding what mascot is appropriate.

Honestly, if enough people get together in a town and pressure the school for change, wouldn’t the reasonable action be to come up with a new mascot? Mob must rule!

But before we cross over from the hypersensitive world of political correctness and jump straight off the cliff into insanity, can we all agree on mascot parameters moving forward? To wit:

Any mascot that refers to the color of someone’s skin should be forbidden. This would immediately eliminate Killingly Redmen and national franchises like the Washington Redskins.

Any reference to race or nationality should also be reason for disqualification. This terminates the Montville Indians and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

Any mascot that refers to a specific gender should be forbidden. This would erase, for a second reason, the Redmen from Killingly, but it also would call into doubt Woodstock’s Academy’s mascot, since a Centaur is a creature with the head, arms, and torso of a man and the body and legs of a horse. We must NOT be gender specific. Goodbye Syracuse Orangemen, unless they are willing to change to the Syracuse Orange-persons.

Any nickname or mascot that attributes itself to religion should be banished as insulting to atheists and agnostics. This puts an end the St. Bernard Saints as well as the Providence Friars.

Any nickname derived from violence or the tools of death must be excluded. The Waterford Lancers, Ledyard Colonels and East Lyme Vikings are all nicknames bathed in blood and should be considered too menacing for mascot consideration.

Any mascot that may make anyone else remotely uncomfortable should be phased out. Personally, I am offended by the nickname “Whalers” since a whaler was a ship of death sailed upon by human “whalers” whose sole purpose was to catch and slaughter whales, processing the corpses into commodities. This must go!

The solution is straightforward. For the immediate future, mascots should only come from animals (preferably wild) and/or inanimate objects without human capacity for feelings or needs. Now, in the past, folks on social media have often accused me of overstating problems with no cogent conclusions. Well, since we’ve ascertained that the Eastern Connecticut Conference is littered with insensitive, racist mascots, here are a few replacements to consider:

Waterford Crystals; New London Magnets; Ledyard 214’ers (named after Route 214, which everyone cruises to get to Foxwoods); the Windham Frogs; the East Lyme Traffic Chaos Causers (sponsored in part by Costco); the St. Bernard Saint Bernards; the Putnam Nor‘easters; and the Killingly Rage (I actually like this last one).

The list of great mascot possibilities is wide open. Imagine an ECC Championship basketball game in a sold-out field house featuring the Montville Coffee Mugs vs. The Woodstock Academy Staplers.

Oh, and for clarity, allow me to reiterate: if a town or school finds their mascot racist, then change it. You have my full support. If you think a name like the Chicago Blackhawks or Washington Redskins — or Killingly Redmen, for that matter — is prejudiced, then try to replace that name and refuse to buy the team’s products until change comes.

But just remember, we live in a world that has a hard time finding the middle of the road. If, or when, political correctness reigns supreme, the over-correction may make everything a mockery.