THE GREAT OUTDOORS A royal mess: Fiddling while the planet burns

Australia scorched by the most devastating wildfires ever, killing dozens of humans and a billion animals; glaciers melting 100 times faster than previously thought; Venice inundated by unimaginably high tidal floods; tornados of magnitudes never before seen in winter ravaging huge swaths of the South and Midwest; global temperatures soaring to new records, spurring even more disastrous meteorological volatility …

… Yet it’s hard to focus on these crises while reeling from the Prince Harry/Meghan Markle fiasco. Remember how we all rose before dawn in 2018, engrossed by televised coverage of their fairy-tale wedding? …

… Sure, we should all be panicking about climate change. It’s not just major consequences, but also small harbingers. Heck, the other day I even noticed shoots of skunk cabbage poking from a marsh. Never saw them before late February or early March …

… But, hey, the royal family rift is much more shocking, when you think of the impact they’ve had on our lives. How our hearts fluttered and eyes brimmed with tears as the bride, stunning in a Givenchy silk gown with a 16-foot-long veil, along with a diamond, platinum, gold and opal-encrusted

bandeau tiara, arrived at St. George’s Chapel in a vintage Rolls Royce Phantom …

… Skunk cabbage in mid-January! Next thing you know forsythia will be blooming and redwing blackbirds trilling! We’ll start growing bananas and pineapples in New England! …

… And wasn’t it stirring when the newlyweds boarded a horse-drawn Ascot Landau carriage that rolled past cheering throngs outside Windsor Castle? How we chuckled as little Princess Charlotte stuck her tongue out at photographers, and sighed when Queen Elizabeth II acknowledged loyal subjects with her trademark half-wave …

… Skunk cabbage, of course, gets its name from its ability to give off a fetid stench similar to that sprayed by the striped mammal. While the animal uses its smell to ward off predators, the plant’s rotting-flesh odor attracts carrion-feeding insects that help with pollination. One such insect is a blowfly known as Calliphora vomitoria. Yuck! …

… Especially disappointing: Harry and Meghan seemed like the perfect couple to represent a new generation of royals, down to earth yet ideally suited to uphold the monarchy’s hallowed heritage and noble traditions all of us revere so deeply. You know, come to think about it, too bad about that silly revolution way back in the 1700s…

… A really interesting fact about eastern skunk cabbage, which grows throughout the region, is that as a thermogenic plant, which relies on a process known as cyanide-resistant cellular respiration to generate heat, it can melt frozen ground, snow and ice. Not that there’s been many of those winter-like conditions lately. Maybe this weekend, if we can believe the forecasters? …

… It was such a relief earlier this week when the Queen reluctantly gave her blessing to a plan — hashed out in a hastily arranged summit of senior royals at Sandringham reminiscent of the Yalta Conference — allowing Harry and Meghan to split their time between the UK and Canada. Whew! ...

… Though skunk cabbage can repel some garden pests, don’t bother trying to dig a mature plant up for replanting. It has contractile roots that penetrate deeper each year. You can, however, grow skunk cabbage from seed …

… Did you notice that the Queen eventually released a statement wishing her grandson and his wife well, but stopped short of referring to them by their royal titles, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Hmmm …

… The broad-leafed plant that grows in bogs and meadows throughout the Northeast, Symplocarpus foetidus, is one of three species of skunk cabbage. According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, western, or yellow, skunk cabbage (Lysichiton americanum), is found from California to Alaska and eastward to Montana. Another skunk cabbage (Veratrum californicum) is the poisonous corn lily, or false hellebore, which grows from New Mexico and Baja California northward to Washington …

… Never mind the royal titles, will Harry and Meghan get to keep their princely compensation? And who’s going to pay for all that security? …

… Although Native Americans sometimes used skunk cabbage for medicinal purposes, and modern-day forest foragers have developed skunk cabbage recipes, be really careful: Raw leaves contains calcium oxalate crystals that can be poisonous. Boiling doesn’t help — you have to dry the leaves thoroughly, and even then — no thanks …

—- If the very worst happened — Harry and Meghan renouncing or stripped of their titles — how could they possibly adapt as commoners? Well, Meghan, formerly a Yank and mere actress, might make out. But would they continue as a globe-trotting power couple cashing in on their celebrity, or descend to one depicted on a New York Post cover: seated together on a tattered couch, watching the telly, Meghan in hair curlers and flowered housecoat, smoking a cigarette, while Harry, in undershirt and skivvies, clutching a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon? …

… Anyway, I fervently hope they work things out. Oh, and it would be nice if we took care of that climate thing, too.

— 8 p.m., Mohegan Sun Wolf Den; free.

— 7:30 p.m., Mohegan Sun Arena; with Vanilla Ice, Tone Loc, Coolio and C+C Music Factory; $29-$39; 1-800-745-3000.

— 8:30 p.m., Side Door Jazz Club, Old Lyme; $40.

— 7:30 p.m., Comix at Mohegan Sun; $25-$55.

— 8 p.m., Foxwoods’ Fox Theater; $34-$44.

— 8 p.m., Katharine Hepburn Cultural Arts Center, 300 Main St., Old Saybrook; by the Saybrook Stage Company; $17-$23.

— 8 p.m., Garde Arts Center, 325 State St., New London; $35-$55; (860) 444-7373.

— 7 p.m., Mitchell College Red Barn, 629A Montauk Ave., New London; performed by Mitchell College students and Flock Theatre; $15, $5 students, seniors and military.

— 7:30 p.m., The Goodspeed, 6 Main St., East Haddam; staged reading as part of the Festival of New Musicals; $25, $15 students; (860) 873-8664.

— 7 p.m., First Church of Christ, 366 Main St., Old Saybrook; musical and prequel “To Bee or Not To Bee” by WISP Performances; $25, $20 seniors and children ages 8 and younger; (203) 494-1633.

— noon, Pawcatuck Neighborhood Center, 27 Chase St.; “The Aviator’s Wife” by Melanie Benjamin; hosted by the Stonington Free Library; free; (860) 535-0658.

— noon-9 p.m., Mohegan Sun Earth Expo and Convention Center; $15, $10 seniors and military, free for children ages 12 and younger; 1-800-745-3000.

— 6 p.m., Artists’ Cooperative Gallery of Westerly, 14 Railroad Ave.; photography presentation by gallery member Ardie Harrison on his trip to Scotland; $5 suggested donation; (401) 596-2221.

— 7-10 p.m., East Lyme Community Center, 41 Society Road; $5 members, $10 nonmembers; ken@usadancenewlondonct.com.

— 10 a.m., East Lyme Public Library, 39 Society Road; for all ages of kids with an adult; free.

— 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Mystic and Noank Library, 40 Library St., Mystic; for all ages of kids; free.

— 3 p.m., East Lyme Public Library, 39 Society Road; for grades 5-8; free; (860) 739-6926.

— 3:30-5 p.m., Mystic and Noank Library, 40 Library St., Mystic; for ages 9 and up; free; (860) 536-7721.