Rick's List
Yes, I’m one of those journalists who would like nothing better than to borrow some of President Trump’s tan/cantaloupe-colored face lacquer and apply a generous coat to his fool-in-in-law, Jared. I think most of us on both sides of the aisle, if we’re honest, can agree that Kushner looks like something you’d find laying on a bed of ice in one of the fresh seafood stalls at Pike Place Market in Seattle.
“Jeez, Donna. Check that out! Is that a ... fish?!”
“Don’t get to close to it, Charles. It looks like it suddenly and for no ichthyological reason floated to the surface from the bottom of the deepest part of the sea. You know, one of those creatures that hasn’t seen sunlight ever and just swims in blind circles till it dies?”
“Well, it’s odd. But don’t worry; this thing can’t hurt you.”
“Oh, I’m not scared. I just have this disconcerting urge to punch it in the face.” Yes, well ... Look, I know I tend to hammer All the President’s Stooges, but I WASN’T one of the pundits who went riptide-crazy when Trump veered from prepared text and suggested last week that chugging bleach might be a handy cure for the coronavirus. Foolhardy and impulsive? Yes. Another spontaneous presidential comment not tethered to reality, research or in consideration that someone might take him seriously and actually DO IT? Yes.
And I know what you’re thinking: Did the president literally use the words “chug bleach” or am I just another embarrassment to my profession who feels free to craft fake news at the expense of our commander-in-chief?
Sorry. Trump clearly said, “Chug bleach and you’ll be cured!” as he winked at Dr. Birx.
But Trump is hardly the first modern American leader who, in the hopes of providing wise, kindly-uncle guidance, improvised from prepared remarks and offered advice he maybe shouldn’t have.
1 In a 1953 speech to the United Nations on the delicate balance of atomic weaponry, President Eisenhower was supposed to say, “Against the dark background of the atomic bomb, the United States does not wish merely to present strength, but also the desire and the hope for peace.” What he ad-libbed, though, was, “I won’t hesitate to blow any and all of you goofballs sky-high!”
2 President Lyndon Johnson gave the commencement address at the University of Michigan in 1964. Known historically as the “Great Society” speech, it’s mostly remembered for when LBJ, off the cuff, concluded with, “And forget any Civil Rights stuff. I was just kidding.”
3 And remember President Bill Clinton, who hotly cried, “I did NOT have sexual relations with (Monica Lewinsky).” In retrospect, that’s fairly tame given that he’d brought the wrong text to the podium and was about to read, instead, from his audition dialogue for a porno film he desperately wanted to appear in.
4 Finally, there was the Spanish Flu epidemic. President Woodrow Wilson himself became gravely ill with the disease in 1919 on the eve of an important peace accord in Paris. It was thought the president wouldn’t be able to attend the meeting — but he suddenly showed up, rested and in bright spirits. “I chugged bleach!” he crowed. “Everyone should try some!”