Girlfriend shares matching rings with married man
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married more than 40 years, but we have lived separately in a house and guesthouse on jointly owned property for the last 10. We split bills and communicate only when necessary via text.
I am somewhat afraid of him and try to distance myself from him and his friends and family. He has been involved with multiple women and men throughout our marriage, but when I have tried to end our marriage, he has pushed me to remain.
He is currently openly involved with a woman he has “dated” for many years. Several acquaintances recently informed me that the two of them are sporting matching wedding bands. I don't really care, but I don't want any further humiliation. I feel like a sword is hanging over my head. What can I do?
— ARRANGEMENT IN THE EAST
DEAR ARRANGEMENT: What you can do is contact an attorney. Tell the attorney exactly what you have told me — that you and your husband haven't cohabited in a decade, that he and his longtime girlfriend are purporting to be married and wearing matching wedding bands, that you want a divorce, but you are afraid of his reaction. The lawyer can guide you from there. Please don't wait.
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who has had genital herpes since I was in my 20s. I'm single and in my 60s now. I have always disclosed that I have it and that I treat it daily with medication that suppresses the virus. I have never infected anyone — including my former husband and boyfriends. I do not have outbreaks.
I am often rejected by the men I disclose this to. It is demeaning and painful and makes me feel dirty, which I am not. I'm tired of it. Must I continue to disclose it? I know for sure that I am not passing it on. I haven't given it to anyone in 40-plus years.
— REJECTED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR REJECTED: Tempting as it may be to fudge the truth, I think you should continue to be honest about your status. If you lie and the person you are involved with finds your medication, the relationship will be over anyway.
I don't know if you have considered this, but have you thought about dating men who also have herpes? A website that has been mentioned in my column before is H-date. com. If you meet someone there, you know you won't be judged. It offers a free dating service through which thousands of men and women meet. Many very nice, eligible people — people just like you — have herpes and live full, happy lives.
DEAR READERS: I want to wish a very Happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere — birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give not only today, but also each and every day.
— LOVE, ABBY