Dissent leads local moms to break away from club
Old Lyme-Old Saybrook members cut ties over politics, discrimination
Old Lyme — After 12 years as part of the International MOMS Club, members of one local chapter have decided to cut the cord amid allegations of discrimination directed at its mother organization.
Leaders of the MOMS Club of Old Lyme-Old Saybrook defected earlier this year in order to form the Family Club of the Connecticut River Valley.
Family Club president Jolene Brant, of Old Lyme, said the change was prompted by longstanding discomfort with the MOMS Club’s strict focus on stay-at-home mothers only, combined with a more recent dispute over politics and racism.
Brant served as the president of the MOMS Club chapter before spearheading efforts to reorganize as the Family Club. She worked with the other four members of the former MOMS Club executive board to make the transition happen.
The change was spurred in part by a California controversy involving the refusal of the International MOMS Club to post on its Facebook page a photo collage created by its Rancho Santa Margarita chapter. The collage showed members holding one-word signs that spelled out “We stand with all moms and pledge that racial discrimination will stop with our kids.”
The California chapter on its own Facebook page said in July of last year that the International MOMS Club refused to share the collage via
social media because its nonprofit status prohibited it from making political statements. The chapter alleged at the time that dozens of clubs disbanded and thousands of members resigned due to the controversy.
One of the disbanded groups includes the MOMS Club of Portland and Middletown, according to the Middletown Press.
The International MOMS Club did not respond to multiple requests for comment through emails and a private message on social media.
The new Family Club of the Connecticut River Valley railed against the International MOMS Club in a news release announcing the formation of the new local group. The release was written by Administrative Vice President Stefanie Hill of Deep River.
“As members across the country chose to speak up, including Black mothers explaining how their childrens’ lives are not political, the national Moms Club instead drew a line in the sand repeating the mantra: if you don’t like it, leave.”
Hill said more than 200 chapters and thousands of members took the message to heart by disbanding or leaving their chapters.
Hill said the newly formed Family Club disagrees with the idea that IRS rules on political campaigning prevent a nonprofit organization from standing up for basic human rights.
The Internal Revenue Service defines political activity as participating in any political campaign either for or against any candidate for office, including publishing or distributing statements.
“Other organizations such as the Audubon Society have chosen the path of examining their controversial history instead of ignoring it for comfort,” she wrote.
Brant said the other key factor in the creation of the new Family Club revolves around making the group more accessible to parents — mothers and fathers — who may work part or full time outside the home. It also welcomes caregivers, such as grandparents or nannies.
The Family Club calendar includes day, evening and weekend events, so that everyone can find a time that works for them.
It’s a stark difference from the rules guiding the International MOMS Club, which began in 1983. In the manual provided to chapter presidents this spring — with the most recent updates made in 2019 — the organization states that all meetings except one MOMS Night Out per month should occur during “daylight hours.” One of the reasons cited in the document is that “sending mothers with children out at night simply isn’t smart,” while another is that some fathers are not willing to take care of the kids “after a long day at work.”
“If their wives are going to have to choose between going to a MOMS Club meeting or letting their husbands relax, which do you think they’re going to choose? No mother should be put in that position by a group that wants to support the at-home mother and family life,” the manual said.
The manual also lays out its objections to admitting “athome dads, nannies and women who are not mothers” by saying chapters have no obligation to accept them.
“If a non-mother does not seem compatible with your chapter for any reason, your group should vote to not admit that individual,” the manual states. “Remember, your chapter’s first and foremost goal is to support at-home mothers — anything that takes away from that goal should be turned down.”
Brant, who has two children between the ages of 6 and 10, said she was a stay-at-home mom for several years before working part-time as a hairstylist and then as a real estate agent. She described being supportive of all parents as an important part of the new club.
The benefits in her own life have included finding a fellow club member to babysit her kids or pick them up from school when she has to work, she said.
The Family Club includes some organizational elements of the MOMS Club, such as dues and a five-member executive board, but Hill emphasized key differences.
“In many ways the Family Club of the Connecticut River Valley is similar to the old structure of supporting moms through making connections, but now we also welcome dads and all parents as we recognize everyone needs support,” she said. “And while this is not a social justice club in and of itself, we will not be silencing and instead encourage conversations about race as an essential parenting issue.”
Brant said about 25 of the roughly 60 members of the MOMS Club of Old Lyme-Old Saybrook made the transition to the Family Club of the Connecticut River Valley.
The MOMS Club chapter is no longer active due to the lack of an executive board, according to Brant.
Brant credited Mary Seidner of the Lymes’ Youth Services Bureau with advising her in the formation of the Family Club and its plans to eventually register as a nonprofit organization.
Seidner, executive director of the private, nonprofit youth services bureau, said many members of the former MOMS Club chapter come through the center’s doors for early childhood programs, such as playgroups and parent education offerings.
“They had been keeping us filled in on their desire to withdraw from MOMS Club International and create their own organization, which we supported,” Seidner said. “We thought their reasons were excellent.”
Having an accessible, encouraging group for families of young children is a benefit to the community as a whole, according to Seidner.
She described her job as connecting kids and families with a diverse array of opportunities for enrichment.
“It doesn’t mean that my agency has to provide all of them. It just needs to convene the community to help solve community problems and provide opportunities for our families, for our citizens,” she said.