Dear Amy: I’m a 20-year-old girl. I started work­ing at a res­tau­rant and clicked with “Steve,” one of the other servers. He’s 30.

The Denver Post - - FEATURES - By Amy Dick­in­son

We quickly started tex­ting daily. He said he had a girl­friend, so I fig­ured we were just shar­ing friendly chit chat. He was al­ways com­plain­ing about how an­noy­ing and stupid she was.

Fast-for­ward a year and his girl­friend cheats on him, so he comes to me look­ing for help. I was a sopho­more in col­lege at the time and had no idea how to han­dle the sit­u­a­tion, but I was there for him. They broke up and he moved in with his par­ents.

He was dev­as­tated and de­ter­mined to win her over. Even­tu­ally she came crawl­ing back to him. He pro­posed with­out telling any­one, leav­ing his clos­est friends to find out from her Face­book an­nounce­ment.

I pre­tended to be happy for him, even though I thought this was the stu­pid­est de­ci­sion ever. He still con­tin­ued to com­plain about her, non­stop.

A few months af­ter they got en­gaged we had a party at my apart­ment. Heavy drink­ing was in­volved and some­how Steve ended up in my bed. He left the next morn­ing be­fore we could talk. Af­ter a few days of si­lence I said to him, “You cheated on your fi­ancee with me and you don’t think that’s a prob­lem?” He was like, “Don’t make me feel guilty.”

I cracked and told him that he shouldn’t be get­ting mar­ried and that he was set­tling for her. I sort of feel like an id­iot for fall­ing in love with him. I don’t want to lose him as a friend be­cause I’ve never had some­one un­der­stand me as com­pletely as he does. — Not Set­tled

Dear Not Set­tled: Please hear this: Yes, “set­tling” is hap­pen­ing. But YOU are the pri­mary set­tler. You’ve packed your cov­ered wagon and have trav­eled into the realm of 30-year-old wait­ers with no con­science — in order to set­tle. Please, save your feel­ings of love for some­one who isn’t such a tool.

Steve does not de­serve you. His fi­ancee is likely a per­fect match for him. You can do bet­ter, and you will do bet­ter. By the time you’re “Steve’s” age, you will re­mem­ber this episode with a sigh.

Hon­estly, the very idea that you even want to pre­serve a friend­ship with this guy is some­thing you will one day laugh about (hope­fully along­side a bet­ter class of per­son). I rec­om­mend a cor­dial cool­ness dur­ing your res­tau­rant shifts.

Dear Amy: My last two re­la­tion­ships have to­tally done me in. I am through with dat­ing. Af­ter a very long mar­riage that ended in di­vorce, I en­gaged in a re­la­tion­ship that lasted for 17 years.

Af­ter we split (he, too, cheated on me), I spent the next eight years in sin­gle bliss.

Soon, a friend from school con­tacted me and when we got to­gether we en­joyed spend­ing time talk­ing and rem­i­nisc­ing about mu­tual friends. Af­ter a few years of that, I dis­cov­ered that this man was also some­one I needed to lose.

Now I walk around with­out col­or­ing my hair and never wear makeup be­cause I am not try­ing to im­press any­one. I truly do en­joy my sin­gle­ness, but some­times I feel I would still like to have a com­pan­ion in my life to grow old with. How do I over­come my dis­trust and gen­eral wari­ness of men? — Burned

Dear Burned: Over­com­ing your dis­trust in men is a process. Anx­i­ety about grow­ing old alone doesn’t pro­vide an ideal mo­ti­va­tion for trust­build­ing.

I’d like to ad­dress your grow­ing-old-with-a-com­pan­ion is­sue. Why not grow old with a woman/friend/com­pan­ion? Per­haps you have a com­pat­i­ble friend who is at your ap­prox­i­mate stage of life, who would like to try an ex­per­i­ment in co-hous­ing. Hav­ing a house­mate to share ex­penses and ex­pe­ri­ences with might be the per­fect gray-hair hav­ing, no makeup wear­ing, non-ro­mance busting so­lu­tion for you.

Dear Amy: “Stuck at the Back” com­plained about be­ing seated in the back of the re­cep­tion hall at her cousin’s wed­ding. I’m an old fo­gey, but un­less things have changed a lot, the bride’s fam­ily pays for the re­cep­tion and de­ter­mines seat­ing. So, the cousin might not have had any say at all in where her rel­a­tives might be seated. — Old Fo­gey

Dear Fo­gey: Also, some­times peo­ple sim­ply make mis­takes. It is rude, how­ever, to ask the bridal cou­ple to do some­thing about seat­ing dur­ing their own wed­ding re­cep­tion.

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