Give single moms smarter strategies, not sympathy
Be it pity, alienation or insult, single mothers like me are often the subject of negative rhetoric. Comments such as “I could never do what you do” or “it must be tough being you” are common from family, friends and strangers who try to grasp how a woman can balance a family, a career and a social life on her own. On top of that, there are the politicians who have historically blamed single moms for hogging the government’s welfare benefits and destroying the traditional family unit.
Insulting comments and demeaning politicians aside, single mothers are a rapidly growing demographic. Households run by a single mom are the second-most common household arrangement in the nation at 23 percent, according to the Census Bureau. And from 1960 to 2016, minor children raised in a two-parent home decreased from 88 percent to 69 percent.
Single moms are here to stay. So it makes more sense to help these women improve their lives and leave the castigation of single moms behind. I spoke with three single moms — two successful entrepreneurs and a counselor — on what they believed were strategies that solo mothers could use to better balance home, ca- and life.
“Stop comparing yourself to others,” Emma Johnson suggested plainly during a phone interview. Johnson, a marketing consultant, author and owner of the successful blog Wealthysinglemommy.com, says single motherhood is unique to each woman’s experience.
Additionally, Johnson suggested single moms must know how to objectively prioritize. “You must prioritize your mental health. It can feel like so much pressure to give your kids everything, but if you’re worried about paying rent, your focus should be on improving your bottom line so you can position to give your kids the most.”
Many single moms, including myself, have dealt with feelings of failure over raising a family alone, and it’s twice as hard when we feel the father is not more involved. But Angela Benton, a single mother and chief executive of NEWME Accelerator, a business development company for women and minorities, recommends single mothers reduce the friction with their ex and focus on themselves.
“Battling with an ex has become the norm,” Benton said. “But we can choose to force someone to be the parent we want them to be, or we can choose to focus on being the best parent we can be.”
When it comes to professional life, Johnson recomreers mends taking more risks. “I hear many single moms say they should play it safe,” she told me. “They want to stay with a low-paying job because it’s stable or they can’t invest in stocks because they’ll lose money. You can’t grow if you don’t take risks.”
In her new book, “The Kickass Single Mom: Be Financially Independent, Find Your Sexiest Self, and Raise Fabulous, Happy Children,” Johnson provides a blueprint for single moms to tackle the risks that are unique to them. She gives extensive details on improving finances, building a desirable lifestyle, creating a support system and developing a healthy dating life.