Empathy key in building friendships

Strong friendships are a precious resource, but scientists know surprisingly little about them. In particular, it’s difficult to predict what about a person makes it likely that they will attract close friends or be viewed as a close friend by others. In a new study, we explored this question by mapping the ties between community members and measuring the personalities within those communities.

We surveyed college freshmen who had moved into dorms a few weeks before: Brand-new adults building brand-new social circles.

We found that different types of freshmen became popular in different ways. When choosing whom they enjoyed spending time with, people gravitated toward happy dormmates. But when indicating whom they confide in, people selected dormmates high in empathy, the ability to share and understand others’ emotions. Especially when things got tough, freshmen turned to their most empathic neighbors first. They trusted them with intimacy and vulnerability, the ingredients of deep friendship.

Our work suggests that connecting with empathic friends can buoy them amid difficult times.

It also offers a message about how to best cultivate close friendships.

If you want to build closer, more-sustaining bonds, empathy is a better place to start. By sharing others’ experiences and showing that you care, you can connect more deeply and create a circle of close and trusted friends.