How to put relationships ahead of political differences

Make sure Thanksgiving table talk stays respectful

Is there a better time to pick a nit with your Trump-loving uncle over his misguided assumptions about Democrats — or perhaps to poke at your “woke” niece’s misconceptions about conservatives — than during Thanksgiving dinner?

Yeah, probably. Almost definitely, in fact.

But that won’t stop a lot of people from bringing up politics during the hallowed holiday meal, between bites of turkey, sweet potatoes and green bean casserole.

Some broach politics for the sport of family argument, while others simply can’t help themselves. Still others are innocent bystanders when political debate engulfs the conversation.

You love your family — or most of it — but how can you keep dinner from devolving into madness? Here is a collection of advice, including from experts in psychology, conflict resolution and other relevant fields.

Recognize that politics is

tough to avoid. In the polarized age of President Donald Trump, many seemingly nonpolitical discussions can quickly find their way to the state of national politics, potentially making it an inevitable topic.

Still, a poll last year found that nearly six in 10 Americans who planned to celebrate Thanksgiving said they dreaded the thought of talking politics.

“In my own family, we’ve got people who feel strongly and vehemently on a number of different political spectrums, so we’ve had to figure out how to navigate that,” said Steve Charbonneau, who founded the nonprofit Community Mediation Concepts and has mediated Denver community disputes for more than 20 years.

“I think it becomes more so these days, really,” he added.

Feel free to change the subject. Still, if you’re not a willing participant — or see things getting out of control — do what you can to change the topic. If you’re hosting Thanksgiving,

try setting a no-politics rule in advance. (Depending on your family, good luck with that.)

“It’s OK not to have that conversation,” Lisa Vallejos, a Denver-based licensed professional counselor, told The Denver Post in 2016. “It’s not a bad thing to protect (your discomfort) and say, ‘I’m not going to go there.’ It’s actually very healthy.”

Bridge the divide with respect. Charbonneau said his advice for any heated dispute starts with owning your opinion — without mistaking your viewpoint as the only valid one. Another common guideline: Start any political talk respectfully, rather than ambushing another person with accusations, mockery or ridicule.

In a 2016 piece on Townhall.com, a conservative news and opinion site, humorist Tom Purcell advised conservative readers to get into the nuances and complexities of issues, with an eye on finding common ground rather than inviting attacks based on stereotypes. The

same applies to those on the left.

“The truth is progressives and conservatives agree with each other more than they are aware,” Purcell wrote. Listen as much as you talk. It’s possible to walk away from a holiday political discussion without regret or raised blood pres- sure. But that depends in large part on your ability to listen to the other person’s perspective.

For Charbonneau, that means attuning your ear to the other person’s worldview, experiences or personal circumstances, which may have played a role in developing a given opinion.

“If I start a conversation from a judgmental or critical perspective, I’ve already lost,” he said.

Be curious — and learn about opposing views.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t challenge the other person’s perspective. But Charbonneau says to ground your questions in curiosity.

“I would just say in this context, the relationships you have are far more important than trying to prove who’s right,” Charbonneau said.