Spring politics quiz

Spring is here, people! Time to move on from the dark, dreary winter into the bright, cheery march toward this summer’s presidential nominating conventions.

Yeah, yeah, I know. But let’s see whether you were paying attention to politics when it was cold:

1. Campaigning in Nevada, Donald Trump told an audience that he …

A. Felt “sharper now” than he did 20 years ago.

B. Charges Mar-a-lago dining patrons extra for napkins.

C. Hopes to receive an endorsement from Abraham Lincoln soon.

2. At his final rally in New Hampshire, Trump claimed that …

A. “I’ve visited Portsmouth 47 times.”

B. “I’ve been indicted more than Al Capone.”

C. “A lot of people say I remind them of Robert Frost.”

3. Joe Biden won the New Hampshire primary as a writein candidate. He wasn’t on the ballot because …

A. New Hampshire refused to follow the Democratic Party’s new primary calendar.

B. He forgot to file.

C. The state bans candidates named “Biden” since the nearvictory of the 19th-century gubernatorial candidate Bad Bill Biden, Boxcar Bandit.

4. In his brief run for the Democratic presidential nomination, Rep. Dean Phillips, D-minn., ran an ad in New Hampshire comparing Biden to …

A. Grover Cleveland.

B. Rudy Giuliani.

C. Bigfoot.

5. While Trump is still in trouble over all those official documents he had stuffed in the Mar-a-lago bathroom, Biden was cleared by the special counsel who checked his handling of classified documents. The report also theorized that no jury would ever convict Biden anyway, because he comes across as a …

A. “Well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory.”

B. “Whole lot better than you-know-who.”

C. “Totally honest dude.”

6. To celebrate Holy Week, Trump proposed that his followers …

A. Join in a bipartisan service to pray for world peace.

B. Send Don Jr. an Easter basket.

C. Buy a $60 Bible from him.

7. Trump, who is 77, enjoys making fun of Biden because of his age, 81. Lately, Biden’s enjoying the chance to note that recently, it looked like Trump …

A. Couldn’t bend over to pick up his golf ball.

B. Couldn’t seem to remember his wife’s name.

C. Couldn’t blow out all the candles on his birthday cake.

8. Biden gave an interview on NBC about the White House Easter egg roll, which was started in 1878 by Rutherford B. Hayes, who was, Biden said …

A. “A classmate of mine.” B. “A good opening for me to explain about the current cost of eggs.”

C. “Probably trying to atone for having stolen the election from Samuel Tilden.”

9. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. apologized to his family members after a super PAC backing his campaign for president ran a $7 million spot in the Super Bowl that …

A. Ripped off an old ad run by his uncle John F. Kennedy.

B. Showed him singing an aria with two women dressed like Taylor Swift.

C. Featured actors pretending to be his relatives cheering while he threw a 99-yard touchdown pass.

10. Kennedy had a much publicized search for a running mate. Speculation ranged from a former professional wrestler to Sen. Rand Paul. But in the end he chose Nicole Shanahan, a lawyer who has no experience in elected office but is …

A. The author of a book on the vice presidency of Schuyler Colfax.

B. An expert on vaccine issues.

C. Very rich.

11. On the congressional front, one of the swing states that will help determine who wins the Senate is Arizona, where the leading candidate for the Republican nomination is Kari Lake, a well-known … A. Marching band leader. B. Watering hole.

C. Election denier.

12. The former representative George Santos has been ostracized by the Republican Party he once represented on Long Island. Recently, Santos announced that he …

A. Is going to “make up for all my bad behavior” by entering a monastery.

B. Is going to run for yet another congressional seat, this time as an independent.

C. Wouldn’t totally mind being Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s running mate.

Answers

1-A; 2-B; 3-A; 4-C; 5-A; 6-C; 7-B; 8-A; 9-A; 10-C; 11-C; 12-B

0-5: And I suppose you think George Santos is president.

6-9: You’re paying attention to current affairs about as much as an aardvark.

10-11: Gold star!

12: Perfect score, but maybe you need to look for a good hobby.