Thoughts with Tim: Enjoying all the little things in life Dear Abby
As many of you know, I am a runner. I have to tell you, as a runner, this is absolutely my favorite time of year. My outdoor thermometer registered 28 degrees when I went out this morning. What I love about this weather is that it is so still. I don’t want any breeze whatsoever blowing. The crisp air is invigorating. I always feel the cold in my chest and across my arms and I love it. I wear three shirts, gloves and a mask because I can’t breathe in that much cold air. I have to protect my voice for Sunday mornings.
This morning, I went down the tow path and it was so peaceful out there. On my way out, the sun wasn’t even up yet and no one else was insane enough to be out there, so I had the whole place to myself. It is such a simple thing, but it is absolutely my favorite place on earth. Just me and God and the sound of my feet hitting the ground. Makes me want to keep going because 4 miles hardly seems like enough.
Over the summer, I found a great deal on a commercial grade treadmill, which has been set up in my living room since July. I know before too long I will be running on it because at my age, I can’t afford to slip and fall on the slick ground. I have plenty of marks and scars from previous falls and that makes me understand how important it is to stay on my feet. I hit the ground a lot harder than I used to.
I think that one of the things that makes me appreciate those frosty mornings in November is that they are fleeting. They don’t last all year long and if they did, I probably would not appreciate them as much as I do. I know that it won’t be long before I will be watching the forecast for snow and, with all due respect to students and teachers, I hate snow with a white-hot passion.
What I want to encourage you to do is to examine your life for the things you have that you enjoy that are not going to last. Sometimes, it is far too late before we realize how much we love something or someone, and we don’t take every opportunity to soak it in. For so many years, I took for granted the fact that I would be young forever. Now that I am quickly approaching my late 40s, I can see that I need to really invest in what I enjoy because the time we get to have things is so short. It makes me appreciate things and people that I used to take for granted.
I say this specifically to you young people out there. Don’t wish your life away. Yes, I know, I was young once too (I have the pictures to prove it) and I thought that life was going to be great when I got to high school, got my license, graduated from high school, went to college, graduated from college, got a job … Yes, all of those things changed my life and mostly for the better but each stage helped me understand that there were parts of my old life that I loved very much that were not able to come with me after I reached certain milestones.
Always work toward the future with great anticipation but never at the expense of appreciating where you are. Yes, I have many things I am working toward, but at my age, I have learned that there are blessings every day, and it is very important to count them at every opportunity.
We are quickly moving toward the end of the year with three of the biggest holidays taking place in the next two months. I know there are things you are looking forward to, but don’t let this time of year be all about anticipation. Let it be about joy where you are. There is so much to be thankful for, and I don’t want any of us to replace gratitude with anticipation. It robs you of the gift of the moment. When we reduce the good times down to isolated experiences, then they are over far too quickly. Enjoy the entire ride and know that God gave it all to you to be a blessing. Don’t miss it wishing it was something else.
Go out and have a crisp morning walk and if you see a man in a mask running toward you, hope and pray it is me.
DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my fiance of six years revealed that he doesn’t think homosexuality is normal or right. I was shocked because he had never mentioned it before, nor did I see any signs that he thought that way. We’ve gone to Pride celebrations, and we both have gay relatives and friends. When we discuss how we will raise our children, it always winds up in an argument. He doesn’t want our future children to be influenced by gay people on TV and doesn’t want me to “encourage” it. He did say that, after the child turns 18, he would accept what they “choose.” I would like to teach my children to accept people’s true selves.
I have tried reasoning with him and using logic as to why there’s nothing wrong with gay people and begged him to think about it from their perspective. Nothing I can say changes his mind. He was raised by a very “macho” father who thinks the same way. What should I do? Do you think a marriage would survive this kind of disagreement? Would therapy help? — MORE ACCEPTING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MORE ACCEPTING: Be glad your fiance has been honest with you about this — even if it’s five years late. One would think that having gay friends and a gay relative would have shown him that sexual orientation isn’t something a person “chooses.” Gay people can no more help being attracted to members of the same sex than straight people can help being attracted to people of the opposite sex. Therapy can be helpful and provide valuable insight to individuals who are willing to admit they need it. Children come out much earlier today than in years past, and it’s important they feel safe doing it. Being forced to wait longer could cause damage that lasts a lifetime. For your sake and theirs, get to the core of what is going on with this man, and decide what to do accordingly.
DEAR ABBY: I was divorced 33 years ago. My son was a year old at the time. My ex was doing drugs and had lost his job. He never paid alimony or child support or acknowledged any birthdays or Christmas, so we struggled for many years to buy the necessities. We have grown close to a few of his family members over the last few years.
My son is now about to be married. My ex is not invited to the ceremony, but he sent a nice amount of money. My son and I are torn about what we should do. I feel my son deserves the money, but it isn’t even close to making up for 34 years of neglect. So, how do you say “thank you” for something that’s too little and far too late? — MOM OF THE GROOM
DEAR MOM: How to say “thank you” is not your problem. Your son and his fiancee should deal with this as they wish, including accepting the money.
DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I had our first child early this year during the pandemic. It was a difficult time because we couldn’t have any family with us during the delivery. We live in the same town as my in-laws, and this is their first grandchild. Abby, their behavior toward this child has become possessive and intrusive. My spouse and I have tried to set boundaries, to no avail. We would never want to restrict access to their grandchild, but every day is too much. Other than moving, what are our options? — NEW MOMMY IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR NEW MOMMY: Another option would be for you and your spouse to set specific times when the in-laws are welcome to visit.
If they pop in when they are not expected, do not let them in. Explain firmly that they need to adhere to the schedule you have set because your stress level is already above where it should be. They may not like it, but if the alternative is you moving, it would be less expensive and disruptive for you.