LA TIMES CROSSWORD
ACROSS
1 Tea in masala
chai, perhaps 6 Indeterminate but
small amount 10 Partner 14 Stockpile 15 Mischief-making
Norse god 16 “Stat!” letters 17 Shoes for emptying the kiddie pool? 19 Upscale
20 Avis rental
21 “... hallowed be
__ name” 22 Matter of will? 24 __ urchin 25 Ring-tailed
mammal
27 Shoes that prevent slipping in the shower? 33 Place to kick back 34 Cheri who played Judge Judy on “SNL”
35 __ de los Muertos 36 Catches with a
lure
39 Main ingredient of
54-Across 41 Barely scrape
(out)
42 Minor squabble 44 Plot devices? 45 Shoes for
attending a gala? 49 Aquamarine, for
one
50 Lucy of
“Elementary” 51 “Deadwood”
territory
54 South Asian stew 55 “The Greatest”
memoirist
58 Not protected by
defenders 59 Shoes that coordinate with a bright green ensemble? 63 Audition goal 64 “Family Guy” mom 65 Like farm country 66 Google Play
downloads 67 “Nasty!”
68 Lamp topper
DOWN
1 Current letters 2 Actress Gilbert 3 Rumble remnant 4 Bigeye or
yellowfin tuna 5 Plato, to Socrates 6 Partner
7 Egg __ yung 8 Heart chart, briefly 9 Know-it-all
10 Seth Rogen’s “Kung Fu Panda” voice role 11 Much of an atlas 12 Social sensitivity 13 Fencing tool 18 Leave on the grill
too long, maybe 23 Spot on a shirt,
say
24 The sun, for one 25 Foldout bed 26 Wildcat native to
the Americas 27 Fictional
chocolatier 28 Part of a makeover photo spread
29 By and large 30 Cool beans or
warm fuzzies
31 TV’s younger Dr.
Crane
32 Lip
33 Leak slowly 37 Until now 38 Spirited
gathering? 40 Drive-__ car wash 43 “¿Qué __?”:
Spanish greeting 46 Steakhouse
options 47 Blemish 48 Edmonton NHL
team
51 “The Lost City of
Gold” explorer 52 Per item 53 Iodine-rich
seaweed 54 Home office need 55 Taj Mahal site 56 Head up
57 Many a Caribbean
country 60 “Payment
forthcoming” note 61 ASMRtist’s need 62 “Like I didn’t
know!”
Dear Carolyn: About 12 years ago, one of my closest and most important friendships imploded. Both of us were going through some things, as well as dealing with drama/trauma within our friend group. Neither of us could be what each other needed, and at times we were the exact opposite.
The kill shot to our relationship came in the form of an email detailing how I was not only predominantly responsible for the deterioration of the relationship, but also a burden to our other friends. As someone who experienced abandonment and alienation by and from friends during the majority of my childhood – something he knew – this was particularly painful. I got one paragraph into the email, closed it, and created a rule to put anything in a “do not read” folder and moved on with my life.
Last night, checking every folder for a log-in code, I saw a January 2014 email from my former friend with a long apology. It is a very good apology. He wasn’t looking for anything from me, but I guess having spent a year with himself and his actions, he was both remorseful and regretful about how he treated me during our friendship and in the kill-shot email. My issue is 2014 me did not see this email; 2024 me did. If I had gotten this when it was sent, I’m not sure how I would have responded to it, if at all. But the 2024 me does not love the feeling that a sincere apology was left unanswered.
My brother thinks emailing him now, even with a simple “I hear you, thank you, I am well, I hope you are well and wish you well,” would be an invitation to rekindle the friendship. I have no desire for that, but even though I need nothing from him, it’s nagging at me that an olive branch was left to wither. So – should I reply? Lost in the Email
Lost in the Email: Now your brother owes you an apology letter. He wants you to do nothing about the email, just because responding might set something else in motion – something that’s 100 percent within your power to prevent if you don’t want it to happen? Ugh.
Sorry, his misguided advice distracted me into talking about the wrong person.
Please honor your impulse to reply immediately to the very good, sincere apology.
I have a bunch of reasons to believe that’s the right thing to do, but none of them applies as perfectly as your own. “It’s nagging at me that an olive branch was left to wither.” Good enough for me. Accept the gesture of peace.
Your planned message is so “simple,” though, that it might be confusing. When your response to a difficult, humble, heartfelt missive comes after a decade of silence, it is both compassionate and convenient to open with the reason for the delay. “So, I was just looking for a lost email and I found yours from 2014.” And if you’re in an elaborating kind of mood: “Unopened, because I was so hurt I gave you a ‘do not read’ rule, and never went back to check.” Then respond as you wish to the substance of his email – as your 2024 self.
Then, if he gets back to you with enthusiasm for reconnecting that you don’t happen to share, you can express your preference for a past that knows its place. You incur no further obligation, I swear, beyond the gesture to put this to rest.
Email Hax at tellme@washpost.com.