Facebook dustup affects the whole family

Dear Amy: “Sally” and I were “friends” on Facebook. We weren’t close, but our husbands were pals and my husband would often help hers with home projects. Sally tended to be needy and volatile, cutting people off when she disagreed with them.

Recently, Sally put a political post on FB and I responded to it in a way that she found offensive. She removed my comment. I then messaged her that I was sorry, and that I realized I had erred.

I asked for reconciliation and asked if we could talk about it.

In response, she unfriended me and sent what I consider to be a very nasty message. I understand that she does not have to forgive me nor maintain any kind of contact.

Meanwhile, Sally’s husband asked mine for help with some cabinetry in their new home.

My husband spent the day working there.

That same day Sally

(who I had not heard from in a long time), texted me in a friendly way.

My husband is supposed to go over there this week to work again on this project. I asked him not to go, but later I told him I was over this and would not interfere.

However, I cannot let it go. I keep thinking we both should take the high ground, but I don’t think my husband should help them out after Sally attacked me.

— Perplexed

Dear Perplexed: It is somewhat baffling that after your lengthy narrative, which is all about “Sally’s” terrible behavior toward you, your problem isn’t with her, but your husband. This whole time, he has been minding his own business. But now he has emerged as the problem.

Your conflict with Sally has nothing to do with your husband, or hers. The two men are friends. You and she never were.

Yes, you should take the high ground. In my opinion, the high ground here would be where your husband is permitted to do something he enjoys doing with his friend without you trying to control him, while you continue to stay away from Sally, across all platforms. Ignoring her attempt to sweep this under the rug should give you some satisfaction, as this is evidence of you taking care of yourself and keeping your distance.

Dear Amy: The reader who commented that healthy bodies don’t smell (and don’t need deodorant) could use some factual correction — in addition to your masterful (as usual) reframing of the issue.

How much one sweats plus the makeup of one’s native bacteria contribute to body odor. Entirely healthy people sometimes really smell. At least that’s my 31-year experience as a dermatologist.

— Lisa from Pittsburgh Dear Lisa: Like a nasty rash that is now fading, you’ve cleared that up! Thank you.