Alarming traits mean wife should end marriage

Dear Amy: My husband of just under two years does things behind my back that he knows would hurt me.

While we were dating we promised exclusivity to each other.

I was true to him, and he continued to date approximately 30 women for a year and a half. I stumbled on his “rating” spreadsheet after we were living together.

He recently made arrangements to meet up with his former spouse while I was safely away at work.

I feed birds, squirrels and chipmunks in our backyard and love watching them. While I was not home, he took an air rifle and over the course of a few months’ time, killed every chipmunk.

One day last week I was returning home from work and saw him running in the front yard with the air rifle, firing at a small rabbit. I admonished him because he could hit a child riding by on his bike, or a mom strolling with her baby.

We have done counseling before. He participates only until he is bored.

He told me that he is going to do what he wants to do, and he does not care how I feel about that. Please help.

— At My Wits End Wife

Dear End: My intention is not to alarm you, but you’ve asked for help, and I want to make sure that you have clarity about my opinion concerning the future of your marriage.

It needs to end.

Regular readers know how seldom I say this to married people:

Get out.

Do not enter counseling with your husband. Don’t bargain, set limits, or agree to attempts at reconciliation.

Leave this relationship. Please be careful while you do so.

The way you present things, in addition to never being honest with you, this man seems quite dangerous. Furthermore, his aggression seems to be escalating.

People who kill small and truly defenseless animals (not for food) sometimes accelerate their violence.

To research ways to stay safe as you leave your relationship, the National Domestic Violence Hotline has lots of helpful and important information and tips on their website: thehotline.org. You can also call their helpline to speak with a counselor: (800) 7997233.

Dear Amy: “Casual?” wrote to you about her current relationship, and the fact that she is looking for “her person.”

You encouraged her, telling her that “he’s out there.”

What about telling her that she already has “her person,” and that is: herself?!

— Disappointed

Dear Disappointed: A wonderful answer, and absolutely true. Thank you.

Contact Amy Dickinson via email, askamy@amydickinson.com.