Stephen Colbert on Trump's visit to Britain: 'America was 239lb smarter'
Late-night hosts focused on the second day of Trump’s UK visit and the growing protests against him.
Stephen Colbert: ‘A Donald Trump who speaks English’
Stephen Colbert opened his monologue by laying straight into Trump: “For yet another day, America was 239lb smarter because President Trump is still in England.”
Some have dubbed the British protests against Trump the Carnival of Resistance. Colbert responded to this with mocked displeasure: “Well, good for you, that sounds fun. We have to live with him! Here, it’s a little less Carnival of Resistance and more a traveling freak show.”
Colbert also drew attention to a teenager who mowed a giant penis into a field near where Trump landed. Colbert joked: “It was the first time in years Trump’s been able to look down and see a penis.” At the Tower of London, some pranksters had projected Obama’s UK approval rating versus Trump’s: 72 to 21 respectively. Colbert lamented: “Unfortunately, English votes don’t count in our elections. Only Russians’ do.”
In Britain, Trump said Boris Johnson, “a man whose hairdresser is a raccoon” as Colbert put it, should be the next prime minister after Theresa May. Johnson has also been described as a British Donald Trump. Colbert cracked, “Oh, that’s a nice change of pace: A Donald Trump who speaks English.”
Johnson declined the invitation to meet Trump, but Trump did meet the Brexit party leader, Nigel Farage, who has been “milkshaked” by protesters. “I think I know why Trump agreed to meet with him,” Colbert said. Imitating Trump, he went on: “Keep talking Nigel, I’m just going to suck on your lapels.”
Trevor Noah: ‘It’s like he’s dyslexic, but for crowd sizes’
Trevor Noah also focused on Trump’s trip to the UK, starting out with the state dinner hosted by the Queen. During the dinner, Trump touched the Queen on her back, which is considered poor etiquette. Noah didn’t find the move so offensive: “If Trump really wanted to break protocol, I don’t think he would be touching the Queen’s back.”
In fact, Noah found a completely different behavior of Trump offensive. “I don’t think Trump touching the Queen was offensive. What was offensive was Trump’s outfit for the big dinner. How can a man have access to the nuclear codes but not a tailor?”
He then discussed the protests in the UK, and showed the lengths protesters have gone to. Just the sight of the unfavorable approval rating projection on the Tower of London made the audience cheer.
Noah said: “Now obviously, British protesters are taking to the streets to make Trump feel unwelcome in the UK, but for Trump, protests are like Eric – he just pretends they don’t exist.”
In a later press conference, Trump said he had not seen the protests, but had only seen a small group of people who were protesting. By some estimates, there were tens of thousands of people attending the protests. Noah remarked, “It’s almost like Trump is dyslexic but just for crowd sizes” – alluding to the number of people Trump said were at his inauguration.
During the same press conference, Trump was asked if the NHS would be affected by the US-UK trade deal. He didn’t seem to know the answer, having to turn to Theresa May for clarification. Noah said: “Theresa May had to straight-up give him the answer. In fact, now that she’s leaving office maybe that could be her next job. Yeah, just standing next to President Trump, explaining shit to him.”
Jimmy Kimmel: ‘Next time, lets’s elect a clown from IT president’
Jimmy Kimmel opened his show with an immediate shot to Trump, telling the audience: “The reason he went to London, it’s interesting – he heard they had a tea-time every day and he found out it didn’t mean golf. He was very upset!”
Kimmel also poked fun at Trump’s sartorial choices for the state dinner, and referred to “the Burger King and the Queen”. Kimmel found Trump’s visit a cruel joke for the Queen, adding she has to pretend even if she didn’t want to. “Next time, let’s elect the clown from IT president and see what they do with him.”
When asked about the growing protests, Trump said he only saw a small one. Kimmel quipped: “If there’s one thing Trump knows how to estimate, it’s a crowd size.”