Jerry Seinfeld slams viral essay on New York City being ‘dead’: ‘Pull it together’
Jerry Seinfeld had a hit show about nothing but now he has published a viral column about something: how his beloved New York City is not “dead” and why he wants to tell a writer who said it was to “wipe your tears, wipe your butt and pull it together”.
James Altucher, a former hedge fund manager, now writes on “Entrepreneurship, Investing, Economy, Jobs, Choosing Yourself – ideas for the new abnormal, every week”. He is also co-owner of a comedy club, Stand Up NY, on West 78th and Broadway.
In a column on LinkedIn that went viral, Altucher bemoaned the effect of the coronavirus shutdown and detailed his own move to Miami, under the headline “NYC is dead forever. Here’s why.”
“I love NYC,” he wrote, listing reasons including “every subculture I loved”, being able to “play chess all day and night” and going to comedy clubs.
“No matter what happened to me, NYC was a net I could fall back on and bounce back up. Now it’s completely dead. ‘But NYC always always bounces back.’ No. Not this time. ‘But NYC is the center of the financial universe. Opportunities will flourish here again.’ Not this time.
“‘NYC has experienced worse.’ No it hasn’t.”
It is unlikely Altucher has experienced worse than waking to find himself the target of Seinfeld’s performative ire.
In a column for the New York Times, Seinfeld called Altucher “some putz on LinkedIn”.
He went on: “Manhattan is an island off the coast of America. Are we part of the United States? Kind of. And this is one of the toughest times we’ve had in quite a while. But one thing I know for sure: the last thing we need in the thick of so many challenges is some putz on LinkedIn wailing and whimpering, ‘Everyone’s gone! I want 2019 back!’
“Oh, shut up. Imagine being in a real war with this guy by your side. Listening to him go, ‘I used to play chess all day. I could meet people. I could start any type of business.’ Wipe your tears, wipe your butt and pull it together.”
The rest of the column was peppered with similar stylistic echoes of Seinfeld’s act, which he has revived with Netflix shows and sold-out performances, and his eponymous sitcom, which is regularly placed among the best of all time.
Altucher responded on Twitter, writing that he was glad Seinfeld “took the time from his compound in the Hamptons to write a piece on me without addressing any of the actual problems NYC faces.
“EMT workers are getting fired, teachers, MTA workers, police and more. Address the real problems and be a hero … Jerry is a good guy but I wish he saw the actual reality of what is happening now. A ranticle will not solve the city’s issues.”
In fact, Seinfeld did nod to his own luck in being able to leave the stricken city, unlike millions of New Yorkers who remain, doing their best in the age of homeschooling, uncertain employment and the ever-present threat of a virus that has disproportionately impacted communities of color.
“He says everyone’s gone for good,” Seinfeld wrote of Altucher. “How the hell do you know that? You moved to Miami. Yes, I also have a place out on Long Island. But I will never abandon New York City. Ever.”
He went on to decry remote working. “There’s some other stupid thing in the article about ‘bandwidth’ and how New York is over because everybody will ‘remote everything’. Guess what: everyone hates to do this. Everyone. Hates. You know why? There’s no energy.
“You found a place in Florida? Fine. We know the sharp focus and restless, resilient creative spirit that Florida is all about. You think Rome is going away too? London? Tokyo? The East Village?
“… We’re going to keep going with New York City if that’s all right with you. And it will sure as hell be back. Because of all the real, tough New Yorkers who, unlike you, loved it and understood it, stayed and rebuilt it.”
Tweeting back at his tormentor, Altucher said he was glad to have “inspired Jerry Seinfeld to finally write new jokes”.