Trevor Noah on corporate tax minimum: ‘15% isn’t even that much!’
Trevor Noah
“It looks like Democrats are close to a breakthrough on the Build Back Better bill,” said Trevor Noah on Wednesday’s Daily Show, as Democratic lawmakers worked to prune Biden’s top legislative priority into a shape that Senate holdouts Joe Manchin and Kirsten Sinema would support.
But everyone was on board with taxing the richest corporations, pushing a proposal that would set a 15% baseline tax for companies with more than $1bn in profits. “I know Amazon is going to complain about it, but 15% isn’t even that much!” said Noah. “These giant companies are going to be paying the same rate as the guy who hands out the shoes at the bowling alley, and I guarantee you: that guy doesn’t have his own penis-shaped spaceship.”
Furthermore, the proposal would tax the profits submitted to company shareholders, not the figures reported to the IRS. “Because those are two very different numbers,” said Noah. “It’s like how people talk about sex differently with their date versus how they talk about it around their mom.”
Manchin, a Democrat from West Virginia, at least appeared to support taxing the richest Americans, as he told reporters of his proposed 15% “patriotic tax”.
“I see what you’re doing, trying to appeal to national pride,” said Noah. “And I see why you’re doing it – because a lot of people can be convinced to do things that they don’t want to do if you just call it ‘patriotic’.
“I don’t know if this is going to convince corporations to be happy about having less money, but I do think Manchin is right: paying taxes ispatriotic,” he concluded. “Part of loving your country is financially supporting your country. You can’t say you love your child if you’re sending all your money to some other kid who’s in the Cayman Islands.”
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert also discussed new taxation policies on the Late Show, starting with a proposal called the Billionaires Income Tax. “Now, the details are a little complex, let me try to explain it: billionaires, there are these things called taxes, and you should pay any,” he said.
The proposal from the Oregon senator Ron Wyden would tax only those with more than $1bn in assets or those earning more than $100m in income for three years in a row. “Here’s a simple way to see if it affects you: take your spare super-yacht to your third house that’s on the private island shaped like your own head,” Colbert said. “Look in your garage – if there isn’t a spaceship in there, you’re fine.
“Calling it a billionaire income tax was smart branding by the Democrats,” he continued, “because Republicans are going to sound pretty out of touch if they oppose it, which they immediately did.”
Samantha Bee
On Full Frontal, Samantha Bee took on a topic that would spook many viewers: the death industry. The average cost of a funeral has risen at twice the rate of inflation since the 1980s; in 2019, a standard funeral cost on average more than $9,000.
“Death in America didn’t use to be a big business,” Bee explained, as the traditional American funeral involved a home wake and burial. But by the
1930s, as more people died in hospitals, death became more professionalized. “But unlike most multibilliondollar industries, this one profits off customers when they’re at their most vulnerable,” Bee said. “Much like Taylor Swift – look, if you’re going to absolutely wreck me with an album like Folklore, of course I’m gonna buy your cardigan merch.
“Paying for funerals is impossible for many families, who are increasingly resorting to desperate means like crowdfunding,” she added. “And it’s not like funerals are unaffordable because everyone is asking for big Aretha Franklin-style memorials with multiple dates and costume changes. Although, huge R-E-S-P-E-C-T if they do.”
But even basic funerals can be out of reach for many families on account of hidden costs, from rental caskets to embalming, an unnecessary procedure that puts 4.3m gallons of chemicals into the ground each year. “On the bright side, it allows humans to die like we lived: destroying the environment,” Bee quipped.
There are increasingly popular, environmentally friendly options, such as green burials and giving your body to compost. “Many of the problems we’ve discussed exist because we’re afraid to face our own deaths, so we outsource everything to the funeral industry,” she concluded, calling for more awareness of alternatives.
Seth Meyers
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers tore into the Georgia congresswoman and unrepentant election conspiracist Marjorie Taylor Greene, who tried to justify the 6 January insurrection this week by saying that the Declaration of Independence supports overthrowing “tyrants”.
Greene’s comments came days after a report from Rolling Stone tied her and seven other Republican lawmakers to organizers of the Stop the Steal rally that devolved into the attack. Two organizers of the rally now cooperating with federal investigators have described “dozens” of planning meetings with said lawmakers; one said he “remembered Marjorie Taylor Greene specifically”.
“You would definitely remember talking to Marjorie Taylor Greene, the same way you’d remember being attacked by Chucky,” said Meyers. “If the cops were taking your statement after a Chucky attack, you wouldn’t say ‘ah man, I don’t remember his name.’”
Greene has denied the report, saying she was too focused on opposing the certification of the 2020 election results. “Her denial is itself a damning admission – she claims she wasn’t involved in planning the protest because she was too busy trying to overturn the election results,” said Meyers. “We shouldn’t just let that pass by unnoticed. It’s a classic defense – ‘I couldn’t have burned down your house because I was too busy buying gasoline and matches and a map to your house.’”