Colbert on Aaron Rodgers’ ‘alternative’ to vaccine: ‘My Goop senses are tingling’
Tuesday was a “disappointing” night for Democrats, said Stephen Colbert on Thursday evening, as they lost the Virginia governorship to Republican Glenn Youngkin. But “the media – who all live in Virginia and New Jersey, coincidentally – are freaking out so badly that NBC is launching a new Sunday show, Sedate the Press,” the Late Show host joked.
One former Democratic official even described the election to Politico as “2009 all over again”.
“Yes! Back in 2009 Americans were all enjoying the old man in Up,” said Colbert, “and now we’ve elected that man president.”
The rough election night has reenergized congressional Democrats to pass crucial social and infrastructure plans – last week, due to opposition from the West Virginia senator Joe Manchin, Democrats removed paid family leave from the Build Back Better bill. But after the defeat in Virginia, the House added a provision to provide four weeks of federally paid family and medical leave. “OK, that’s something!” said Colbert. “It’s not what anyone asked for, but it’s better than nothing. Coincidentally, also the slogan of RC Cola.”
Colbert then turned to other news, namely the reveal that the Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers tested positive for Covid-19 and was unvaccinated, a status he had gone to great lengths to disguise. Rodgers previously told reporters he was “immunized”, but ESPN learned this week that he received an “alternative” treatment which he petitioned the NFL to consider as a vaccination. The league refused, as it was a homeopathic treatment provided by Rodgers’s personal doctor to raise his antibody levels.
“Uh oh, my Goop senses are tingling,” said Colbert. “I’m no expert, but I’m guessing it’s a lot easier just to play football with a shot in your arm than a jade egg stuck where the sun don’t shine. Then again, they are called the Packers.”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers also clarified the election results on Tuesday, which wasn’t all bad news for Democrats – the party eked out a win for governor of New Jersey, as Chris Murphy became the first Democratic governor to win a second term since the 1970s, and maintained control of the state legislature.
“So, yes, the results were bad for Democrats and, yes, they absolutely need to learn some real lessons from it, but you didn’t need an election result in Virginia to tell you that things aren’t exactly great for Democrats right now,” Meyers said. “Biden’s poll numbers are in the toilet, concerns about the economy and inflation are on the rise, people are exhausted and angry after 20 months of pandemic life, and Democrats in Congress have spent what feels like an eternity haggling over a bill to deliver on Biden’s agenda, and they still can’t agree on a deal.
“It doesn’t seem that complicated to me: you need to do popular things that people like and then you need to tell voters that Republicans will take them away,” he added. “I mean, this is a party that’s pretending to be a proworker, populist movement, but in Virginia, they just elected multimillionaire private equity executive” Glenn Youngkin, who often wore a simple, folksy vest on the campaign trail. “Don’t let that vest fool you,” said Meyers. “He’s got sleeve money.”
Trevor Noah
And on the Daily Show, Trevor Noah investigated the legal maneuverings of the health products giant Johnson & Johnson to avoid liability for its popular talcum baby powder. The company is facing thousands of lawsuits over allegations that its powder was contaminated with asbestos.
Johnson & Johnson has long denied the link, but documents reveal the company knew about small amounts of asbestos in its products as far back as 1957. The company has recalled the product and been forced to pay hundreds of millions of dollars in settlements for women who attribute their ovarian cancer to the powder. “That’s a lot of lawsuits,” Noah said. “I mean, you know you fucked up when your company is giving away more money than Power Bowl.
“You cannot be selling baby powder with asbestos in it,” he continued. “People are rubbing the stuff all over their bodies. Not to mention the cocaine dealers who mix it in with their product – now you’ve got innocent cokeheads snorting asbestos – it’s unacceptable!”
Johnson & Johnson has found a cure, Noah noted, “but unfortunately, it’s not a cure for the cancer. It’s for the company’s legal problems.” Through an audacious legal loophole, a shadow company of Johnson & Johnson, based in New Jersey, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in Texas.
J&J founded the alternative company, LTL, in Texas, a state with lax regulations; dumped all the billions of legal liability into it; and then promptly filed for bankruptcy. “This is insane, people – Johnson & Johnson is pretty much trying to do the first thing everyone thinks of when they get caught: blame it on your evil identical twin,” said Noah.
“I mean, we’ve all tried it, but it somehow actually works if you’re a large corporation. Honestly, I’m almost impressed, I just wish they put as much effort into Covid immunity as they did into legal immunity.”