The return of Barcelona’s crown prince of tiki-taka
AL SADD-NESS IN THEIR EYES
It’s been a big week for the yellow ticker. Forget your “Nicky Shorey signs new Reading contract” and “Stuart Watkiss takes temporary charge of Grimsby” as examples of unmissable breaking news, there’s been actual happenings, keeping those hard-working people on Big Website very busy indeed with managerial comings and goings, and not-comings and notgoings.
Don Antonio Conte has already presided over his first Tottenham match, a topsy-turvy 3-2 Tin Pot win over Vitesse Arnhem that embraced his new club’s finest traditions of flakiness. His eyes burned wilder than ever. Up north, Unai
Emery has turned up his up-turned nose at Newcastle. They have instead turned to Eddie Howe, someone whose last job in football was taking his team down to the Championship. That may come in rather handy. But new Newcastle being new Newcastle, an administration that doesn’t seem to appreciate the perils of being six points from safety on Bonfire Night, the “Eddie Howe-ay The Lads” and “Howe Toon Is Now” headlines were being kept on the sketchpad when the yellow ticker fired up once more on Friday morning.
That’s because Qatari Stars League champions Al Sadd announced they had “agreed on Xavi Hernández’s move to Barcelona after the payment of the release clause stipulated in the contract”. In what was not exactly a shock move, Barça have a new coach. But Barcelona being the new Barcelona, what looked a slam-dunk deal, the return of the ultimate keeper of the flame, the crown prince of tiki-taka, has taken rather longer than expected. After all, the main reason Barça are in this mess and looking for a new manager is that they have less money in the bank than Weird Uncle Fiver after a heavy night at the local dog track.
The rule of thumb for Barcelona bosses is that they either need to be Dutch or a former player to succeed. Or both. Though that didn’t work out too
well for Ronald Koeman. Even allowing for having the likes of Pedri, Gavi, Ansu Fati, Frenkie de Jong and Martin Braithwaite to call on, Barcelona have a long road back to the top. Caretaker Sergi Barjuan will continue in the dugout for Saturday’s match at Celta Vigo before Xavi assumes the reins, and tries to do, well, more of the same really. That’s because Xavi is someone dripping in the haughtiest of Catalan footballing pretensions: passing the ball where others would launch it, 4-3-3, wanging on about Johan Cruyff and La Masia and trousering a few quid off the Qataris. If trying to do the same thing again and again is a definition of madness, then what is trying to do the same thing again and again but without Lionel Messi in the team?
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It feels fantastic. Considering how many hot dogs I have eaten over the years, I can say that I am a good representative of the hot dog. But I never expected that I would get this nice prize” – Sweden coach Janne Andersson is recognised by the country’s Sausage Academy for his services to eating them. Seriously, it’s his thing.
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Chicago to London, London to Newcastle, Newcastle to Manchester and finally Manchester back to Clitheroe. Feels like we’ve been on quite the journey together, cyclical and pointless, but a journey nonetheless. Thanks, I suppose” – Marten Allen.
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Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Richard Prangle.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
West Ham have condemned footage of their fans singing an antisemitic song towards a Jewish man on a flight to their 2-2 draw at Genk and vowed to issue those involved with bans from the club.
Elsewhere in Big Vase, Leicester’s hopes remain in the balance after being held 1-1 at home by a Spartak Moscow team unable to live up to their travelling fans’ high demands.
The Queen’s Celtic remain on course for the next stage, winning 3-2 at Ferencvaros, while the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers have their destiny in their own hands after a 1-1 draw at Brondby.
Harry Kane likes what he sees at Spurs in Antonio Conte. “It shows great ambition, to be honest,” he cheered. “His résumé speaks for itself. Everyone knows how highly thought of he is and what he has done as a manager in the game. You have to respect that.”
And after binning off Neil Cox, Firewall FC have gone for Keith Hill as their new manager.
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Floating brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson reckons Jadon Sancho and Jack Grealish would be better off at the other’s Manchester club.
“A little year in hell”: when the biggest clubs drop down a division. By Rhys Richards.
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