Kimmel on Hillary Clinton’s MasterClass: ‘Is this a Christmas present for Trump?’
Days after a homeless man with mental health issues lit the Christmas tree outside Fox News’s Manhattan studios on fire, “Fox desperately wants this to be a political thing,” said Jimmy Kimmel. Fox & Friends hosts decried New York City bail reform which allowed the suspect to go free, for example, with host Brian Kilmeade even calling the arson “a hate crime against us”.
“You can’t commit a hate crime against a channel, in the same way you can’t shoplift at Etsy – it’s impossible, really,” Kimmel retorted.
“They must not have anything to talk about at Fox this week,” he added, “because they really went to town on this ‘we have been victimized’, jag,” none more so than host Tucker Carlson, who called the burning “an attack on religious observance”.
“The [Department of Justice] can tell you precisely how many Qur’ans were burned last year in the United States, but they don’t keep track of Christmas trees, why is that?” Carlson said.
“Well for one, little snowflake, unlike the Quran, Christians don’t base our faith on pine trees,” Kimmel responded. “It’s the reason we don’t hang popcorn and cookie ornaments on the Bible. But you know that.”
Kimmel also mocked a new MasterClass video by Hillary Clinton on “resilience”, in which she gets emotional reading from the victory speech she had planned to give in 2016. “What is this? What is she doing? Is this a Christmas present for Donald Trump?” Kimmel wondered. “It’s like she made him a Cameo video for his birthday. Donald Trump will masturbate to this MasterClass.”
Stephen Colbert
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert checked in on Joe Biden, who hosted a virtual Summit for Democracy this week. “I’m not sure we’re the country to be hosting it,” Colbert said of the two-day summit with 80 world leaders. “These days, a US president lecturing the world about stable democracy is like Andy Cohen hosting the Rational Discourse Among Sober Housewives Summit.”
Biden kicked off the summit with a virtual address. “Government of the people, by the people, for the people can at times be fragile, but it also is inherently resilient … democracy is hard, we all know that.”
“Do we though, Joe?” Colbert responded. “It’s like he’s saying all the right things but he kinda seems like the kind grandpa who’s moved in because Mom and Dad have ‘gone away for awhile’ and doesn’t understand where the family’s at right now. He’s reminding the kids about the basics: dinner is at 6, face and hands washed, say grace first, while ignoring the cock
fighting ring they have set up in the family room.”
Colbert also touched on the burning of the Fox News Christmas tree, and especially Brian Kilmeade’s attempt to label it a “hate crime” against the network.
“Yes, it’s clearly a hate crime against a historically marginalized group: morons,” Colbert deadpanned. “Fox lives matter!”
“Republicans are, as usual, lying about lockdowns and vaccines,” said Seth Meyers on Late Night. “Instead, they’d rather focus on absurd, unproven remedies like hydroxychloroquine or ingesting bleach,” or a new one from Wisconsin senator Ron Johnson: mouthwash.
“Standard gargle, mouthwash, has been proven to kill the coronavirus,” Johnson told a radio show on Wednesday. “If you get it, you may reduce viral replication … why not try all these things?”
“Or even better, don’t use mouthwash and your bad breath will keep people 6ft away from you at all times,” Meyers quipped. To be clear: Listerine confirms on their website that mouthwash “is not intended to prevent or treat Covid-19” and should be used as directed on the label.
“I don’t even want to imagine what’s next,” said Meyers. “Is Titleist going to have to issue a statement that says ‘Contrary to Republican statements, covering our golf balls in Sudafed and eating them for dinner will not give you ‘Superman eyes?’”
Trevor Noah
And on the Daily Show, Trevor Noah also looked at Hillary Clinton’s new MasterClass, in which she faces the camera and reads from her planned 2016 victory speech that she’s “never shared” with anyone before.
“The way she’s sitting like that and reading it to us, it’s like the world’s most depressing fairy tale – ‘Once upon a time, an ogre crushed the dreams of a princess, and nobody lived happily ever after, the end,’” Noah said.
“I really love how she was like ‘I’ve never shared this speech with anybody before, it was too painful, and – you’re paying me how much? Oh well, I guess I could read a few pages,’” he added.
“I’ll say one thing: you’ll never see Donald Trump doing this,” he concluded. “He doesn’t write backup speeches, because whether he wins or loses, that dude gives the same speech.”