You be the judge: is it OK for my boyfriend to keep butter in the cupboard?
My boyfriend insists on keeping butter in the ‘pantry’. To me it’s strangeand unhygienic
My boyfriend Stewart has grown up keeping the butter in the cupboard. I fundamentally disagree with this – in my opinion, it should always be refrigerated.
We moved in together five months ago, and Stewart would always put the butter in a little cupboard in the kitchen. He occasionally refers to it as “the pantry”, which I find hilarious. What are we, Victorians? When he tried to store the butter there the first time, I immediately challenged him and said it belonged in the fridge.
He said: “What are you talking about? Butter stored at room temperature is perfectly fine, I’ve always done this.” He thinks that it tastes better on his toast when it’s softer and more spreadable. But dairy products degrade quicker when left at room temperature.
I was adamant that the butter wouldn’t live in the “pantry”, it’s disgusting. But when I put the butter in the fridge, the next day I’d discover that Stewart had moved it back into the cupboard. It’s now an ongoing battle, with the butter moved back and forth between the two locations. I do most of the cooking in the house, so I feel I should have the final say.
When summer comes, I’m worried that the butter will be disgusting. I’ve never come across rancid butter and I don’t want to. Stewart likes a more traditional way of living: he wanted this flat because it comes with a little garden where he grows vegetables. But a fridge is a great invention and Stewart needs to use ours more.
When we started dating a few years ago, I realised Stewart was a bit posher than me. When we moved in together it became more apparent. He likes to buy scones and crumpets – I never eat them. He also grew up on a farm and his family kept their butter and eggs in a big pantry, which is why he wants to do the same. I’ve seen his family let their milk sit out all day on the table in a little jug. Leaving perishables out of the fridge isn’t cute, it’s unhygienic and poses a health hazard. Most people I meet agree with me.
The defence : Stewart
It’s fine to keep butter in the cupboard. Ruby should compromise now that we share a home
When we first moved in together, Ruby couldn’t believe that I didn’t refrigerate certain dairy items. She was like, “You’re disgusting. You’re going to make us ill.” I found that reaction a bit much. I told her, “There’s no issue here. Let’s be logical about this,” but she wouldn’t listen.
It’s perfectly fine to keep butter at room temperature: families have done this for generations, including mine. No one has ever died.
Ruby and I also mainly buy salted butter, which is extra safe because the salt adds additional protection against bacterial growth. We don’t live in a hot country. Ruby needs to realise there are different ways of living. She should be more open to compromisenow that we share a home.
I don’t take her opposition to my butter-storing habits personally, but I have grown up keeping butter, eggs and some cakes and pies in the cupboard instead of the fridge. It’s a matter of taste: pastries dry out more quickly when refrigerated, and room-temperature butter spreads more easily on bread.
I admit that I have been a bit petty and moved the butter back into the cupboard after Ruby put it in the fridge, but only because Ruby doesn’t eat as much butter as I do. When she cooks, she uses low-fat oils as she’s more health-conscious. I eat buttered toast nearly every morning. Why is she so bothered about my butter? Leave it alone.
Ruby often jokes that this issue reveals our different class backgrounds, but I don’t think that’s strictly true. I’m not from old, posh money, I just grew up on a farm where we tried not to waste food and stored perishables differently.
There’s nothing wrong with calling our little cupboard a “pantry” either; that’s what my parents and grandparents called it. I’m not sure why this is so amusing to Ruby. She needs to adapt to my way of living and realise that keeping butter and eggs in the cupboard won’t kill her.
The jury of Guardian readers
Is the fridge the best place for butter?
Stewart, let’s start by looking at what butter is – a block of old lumpy cream – so we are already on a back foot here, aren’t we? Don’t tell me that you can’t taste the cheesiness when the butter is so soft that it needs a spoon. Eww. Get it in the fridge, lad.Joni, 49
It seems that both parties’ strong feelings are linked to their sense of identity. But ultimately Stewart, as chief butter eater, should have the final say. To keep the peace, I suggest two packs of butter, one kept in the pantry and the other in the fridge.Jessamyn, 39
Is this really about the butter, or is it about somebody trying to prove they’re right? The science of butter backs Stewart; Ruby is objectively wrong. Ruby talks in absolutes, and belittles her partner. Won’t somebody please think of the toast!?Jack, 28
I’m with Stewart. If Ruby doesn’t use the butter, it shouldn’t matter where Stewart keeps it. And Ruby says she’s never encountered rancid butter – which suggests that Stewart’s approach is working for now.Melanie, 63
Ruby is wrong. I also live in a cool climate, and store butter in the cupboard. The simple solution is for Stewart to keep his butter in the pantry and Ruby hers in the fridge. Ruby should also examine her defensiveness about Stewart being posh.Colleen, 59
You be the judge
So now you can be the judge, click on the poll below to tell us: should Stewart stop leaving the butter in the cupboard?
We’ll share the results on next week’s You be the judge.
The poll will close on 3 March at 9AM GMT
Last week’s result
We asked if Peter should keep his motorbike inside the house, something that annoys his wife, Sandy.
75% of you said no – Peter is guilty25% of you said yes – Peter is innocent