The Coffee Stirrer: New York’s super-thin skyscraper is ready for residents – just don’t mention the swaying
Name: The Coffee Stirrer. Age: Startlingly new. Height: 435 metres (1,428 ft). Now hang on a minute, that won’t fit in my mug. I see what’s happened here. You saw the phrase “the Coffee Stirrer” and thought of a teaspoon. And now you’re imagining an impractically large teaspoon.
That’s exactly what happened, yes. So what coffee stirrer are you talking about? It’s New York’s newest skyscraper, which is now ready for habitation. It’s officially called the Steinway Tower, but local people refer to it as the Coffee Stirrer, because it is very tall and very skinny.
How tall and how skinny? A quarter of a mile tall and 18.3 metres (60ft) wide, giving it a height-to-width ratio of 24:1. It’s dubbed the world’s skinniest skyscraper.
I’m having trouble picturing that. The building’s width is exactly the length of a standard bowling alley.
That’s so skinny it’s stupid. At least the apartments inside will be priced cheaply to reflect that. Well, about that.
Oh, here we go … The most expensive apartment in the tower is on the market for an eye-watering £50.7m.
Good lord. If it helps, you can pick up the cheapest one for just £6m.
That doesn’t help at all. What exactly do you get for this money? Oh, plenty! You get 360-degree views of the world’s most glamorous city. Plus, it’s close to Central Park, which makes it appealing to joggers. And then there’s all the swaying.
Sorry, the what? And there’s a 24hour concierge service. I mean, who wouldn’t want something like that?
Yes, but did you just say “swaying”? The penthouse has a handmade nickel bathtub, you know. Doesn’t that sound lovely? Ooh, imagine it.
Yes, but the swaying. Oh, you don’t need to worry about that. Lots of buyers are seeking out a little light swaying in their homes these days.
Please, just tell me. Oh, fine. The Steinway Tower is so tall and thin that the upper floors have a tendency to whip around by a few feet whenever the wind gets up.
This doesn’t exactly sound like an
attractive proposition. Rubbish. There’s a tower nearby with similar dimensions called 432 Park Avenue, and that has similar swaying issues, and that’s incredibly popular. Jennifer Lopez used to live there.
Aren’t residents of that tower suing the developer over how much it sways?
Well, yes, because they claim that the swaying makes them “super nauseated”. But they just don’t see the potential. Imagine how good for improving your balance the swaying could be!
Do say: “I’m incredibly rich and this looks like the perfect place to live.”
Don’t say: “I need somewhere to store all my bowling alleys.”