Trevor Noah on Oscars: ‘They should’ve hired Will Smith to replace the wrap-it-up music’
Trevor Noah
Trevor Noah returned to the Daily Show studio – and a live audience – for the first time in more than two years on Monday. A week after his Grammys hosting gig, the host touched on another awards show controversy: the Slap, which led the Academy to ban Will Smith from all its events, including the Oscars, for 10 years. “You realize by then, I Am Legend is just going to be real life,” Noah quipped.
“When I first read the headline, I thought this was the worst punishment ever,” he continued. “I was like, ‘10 years? The Oscars? This is ridiculous.’ But I got into the details, and I realize he gets to keep his Oscar, and he can still win Oscars even though he’s banned. So in many ways, this isn’t a punishment. This is a favor.
“Will Smith doesn’t have to go to the ceremony,” he said. “He doesn’t have to dress up, he doesn’t have to sit through a bunch of boring awards that he doesn’t care about. He doesn’t have to pretend to be happy when he loses – I wish I could get banned from the Emmys! Every year I have to go and act like I might beat John Oliver. It’s a nightmare!”
“I also think they should have at least consulted Chris Rock before choosing the punishment, you know?” Noah added. “Because if Will were still going to the Oscars, that’s at least four hours where Chris Rock knows where he is. Now, he could be anywhere.”
In all honesty, though, “I don’t think they should’ve banned Will Smith at all,” Noah concluded. “I think they should’ve hired Will Smith to replace the wrap-it-up music at awards shows. Do you know how quickly winners will finish their speeches when they see Will Smith watching them from the side of the stage?”
Stephen Colbert
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert discussed reports that Russian soldiers stole dangerously radioactive items from Chernobyl to keep as souvenirs. “Well of course you can’t go to Chernobyl and not check out the gift shop,” he said, mocking a radioactive tourist: “Oh look hon, they have a Tshirt that says, ‘I had a nuclear blast at Chernobyl!’”
As sanctions for Russia’s invasion of Ukraine finally begin to land, Russia defaulted on its foreign debt for the first time since February 1918. “Now, I’m sure you’re saying, ‘Steve, how bad is this for Russia’s cashflow? Is this like they lost their wallet? Or they invested all their money in Morbius?’” Colbert mused.
“Basically, it’s pretty darn bad,” he said. Russia tried to pay rubles on a loan taken out in dollars, but was unable to since sanctions bar Russia from accessing its reserves in American banks. “None of the American banks are available to them!” Colbert exclaimed. “No banks, no Elizabeth Banks, no Tyra Banks, no Joseph A Banks! No two suits for the price of one.”
In other news, Donald Trump endorsed controversial TV host Dr Oz for the US Senate in Pennsylvania. “Come on, he’s a conman! And so is Dr Oz,” Colbert deadpanned. In a statement, Trump said Oz had “lived with us through the screen and has always been popular, respected, and smart.”
“Aww, grandpa thinks his TV friends are his real friends,” Colbert joked.
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel mocked concern by the House committee investigating January 6 that if attorney general Merrick Garland decides to prosecute, Republicans will smear the effort as a partisan witchhunt. “Pretty sure that Titanic has sailed already,” Kimmel mused. “Any time any of them get accused of anything it’s a witch-hunt.”
“So why not refer it to the justice department?” he continued. “If you’re worried about the optics of prosecuting, why do the investigation in the first place?”
“How does this guy keep getting away with this stuff ?” he wondered. “He’s the presidential equivalent of the Tinder Swindler. They could at least ban him from the Oscars for 10 years, right?”
Kimmel also provided an update on the feud between him and Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, who tore into Kimmel on a podcast with disgraced Republican colleague Matt Gaetz over the weekend.
Gaetz called Kimmel a “total jerk” whose “trend is to attack women”.
“Says the guy who’s currently under federal investigation for sex trafficking, obstructing justice, and paying for sex with a 17-year-old girl,” Kimmel retorted.
“That’s not fair at all,” he added. “I make jokes about men too. I make jokes about you, in fact. Remember when I said I feel bad for you because you didn’t have a girlfriend in high school until you were 30?