Samantha Bee on Tucker Carlson’s new film: ‘Same energy as an ad for toilet wipes for insecure dudes’
Samantha Bee tore into Tucker Carlson’s new documentary The End of Men, which panics about a perceived decline in masculinity. “Man, you’ve got to love a documentary that has the same energy as an ad for toilet wipes for insecure dudes,” Bee said on Thursday evening.
The Fox News host’s new film “apparently claims that men are physically weaker than they used to be, which translates to weaker political leadership”, Bee explained. “Clearly he hasn’t seen Nancy Pelosi doing reps at Gold’s Gym. She can bench-press a McConnell and a half.”
But the weak men logic is “not the most ridiculous argument made in the film”, Bee continued. That would be Carlson’s endorsement of testicle tanning. “Oh no, don’t! The left would hate it if conservatives began sunburning their balls,” Bee deadpanned.
“Testicle tanning” is actually LED red-light therapy, which has little scientific evidence to support Carlson’s claim that it improves testosterone levels. “At best, these dudes will have smooth, even-toned dongles that will be red carpet ready,” Bee joked.
Carlson’s testicle tanning panic is a continuation of his bogus “war on masculinity” rhetoric for years, from segments on declining sperm counts to women earning more money and concerns over women’s IQ scores. “Tucker’s obsession reflects a larger trend. Rightwing politicians claim masculinity is under constant attack by our modern world,” Bee explained.
“Republicans’ obsession with desperate, overcompensating masculinity led us to this dipshit,” she later added, referring to Donald Trump. “Republicans love Trump because this is what being a man is to them: never admit a mistake, never apologize and never give a shit about anyone else.”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers mocked Rudy Giuliani’s appearance on Fox’s competition show The Masked Singer, which finally aired his reveal on Tuesday. “That’s a terrible, terrible thing to do to people on 4/20,” said Meyers.
When Trump’s former lawyer was finally unmasked, “everyone was shocked, including apparently Rudy himself”, Meyers continued. Host Nick Cannon commented that “everyone was surprised to see you here” given the “controversy” surrounding him (like, you know, trying to undermine US democracy by overturning the 2020 election). Giuliani replied: “Me too!”
“I’m sure he was surprised,” said Meyers. “There’s a good chance Rudy genuinely did not know where he was and was just as surprised as everyone else when they opened that box.
“I bet you could trick Rudy Giuliani into climbing into almost any container just by telling him there’s a trove of shredded ballots in there or, I don’t know, a bottle of scotch that wasn’t completely empty,” he added.
“The idea that any TV show would help rehabilitate a key figure in an attempted coup for entertainment purposes is so disgusting and shocking,” Meyers continued. “The only reality show I would’ve been OK with Rudy being on is Love is Blind, just to see if he accidentally ends up marrying his cousin again.”
Trevor Noah
Giuliani is “the lawyer who makes all his clients look innocent by comparison”, said Trevor Noah on Thursday’s
Daily Show. And since his role in Trump’s attempt to overturn the 2020 election, the former mayor of New York City has largely disappeared from public view, “like a snail retreating into its shell, but way more disgusting”, said Noah.
Now that he’s been voted off the Masked Singer, Giuliani will “spend the next five years claiming that he actually won The Masked Singer”, Noah quipped.
“History was made last night, because for the first time in The Masked Singer’s history, a contestant took off their mask and everyone was like, ‘No, no, put it back on,’” he joked.
“It’s also weird how Rudy has the time to be on a gameshow, but he’s ‘too busy’ to testify in front of Congress,” Noah added.
“Like, maybe they should’ve tricked him. Congress should’ve made themselves look like The Masked Singer, combine the whole thing. Pop him in the giant costume and sit him in front of the January 6 committee. He’d do it! That’s the gameshow America needs.”
Jimmy Kimmel
Giuliani’s appearance on The Masked Singer was “very bad”, said Jimmy Kimmel on Thursday. “They finally get a Republican to wear a mask and that’s how it goes.”
Kimmel recapped the disastrous episode, whose reveal prompted celebrity judges Ken Jeong and Robin Thicke to walk off stage in protest. As a clue to the judges guessing his identity, a masked Giuliani said he gets “put in a box a lot”.
“Oh, because he’s a vampire, right?” Kimmel responded. “The coffin he sleeps in, that’s the box. They put him in a box in the parking lot of a dildo store, right?
“I mean, I know it’s Fox, but I still can’t believe they did this,” he concluded. “Rudy Giuliani tried to overthrow our government! Is Jared from Subway and the Zika virus next?”