‘It’s still very hard to just be’: how workaholism can leave lifelong scars

When Marion’s* workaholism caused her to lose the sight in one eye, her response was to work even harder to prove she was healthy and fit enough to do her job. When Laura lost consciousness during a meeting because she had worked 24 hours a day for the preceding three days, she was so appalled by the idea that people might think she was not able to work properly that she got back up off the floor and insisted the meeting continue.

John was hospitalised and off work for six months when he finally burned out after more than 20 years of workaholism. When he was eventually able to get up off the sofa on his own, his 21year-old son had to physically struggle with him to prevent him from getting to his computer.

“I’ll always be ashamed of that,” John said. “He had been there for me when I was at death’s door even though my workaholism meant I was never there for either my children.

“On the rare occasions I was physically present, I wasn’t mentally there: I was always thinking about work. Anything else left me entirely cold,” he said. “I even moved abroad at one point so I could work without having to waste working time, pretending I was going to spend time with my family.”

Workaholism is in the headlines because the playwright and screenwriter James Graham recently talked about attending Workaholics Anonymous meetings. He said workaholism was not treated as seriously as substance addictions.

“You hear the phrase ‘workaholic’ a lot, as though it is a habit, not an actual sickness,” he said. “But it is no different from addictions to drink or drugs: it’s a pattern of behaviour that slowly kills you.”

Some research suggests that one in four people suffer from workaholism. More women are thought to suffer than men, and more middle-aged boomers than younger gen Zers or millennials. But no one really knows: there is no clinical, medical definition of the addiction or a clear understanding of the causes – or a medical cure.

Workaholism largely exists under the radar because only those who seek help are counted. For many people, however, workaholism is a desirable state that they and their employers, if not their family, want to maintain. But for those who have reached burnout, the suffering is very real.

One night this week, 10 workaholics attended an online Workaholics Anonymous meeting. “My mum had an accident when I was eight and I grew up feeling that my role was to be supergood,” said Alicia, in her mid-20s. “That evolved into constantly asking myself: