Is writing down my rage the secret to resolving it?
A lifetime enveloped in a benign, insulating cloud of oestrogen left me illprepared to be this nakedly, shockingly angry as it ebbs away in perimenopause. It is occasionally exhilarating, but mainly awful, being furious about so many things: the government, contradictory dental advice, inaction on climate breakdown, whatever cat keeps defecating at my back door. I exist at an exhausting, irrational rolling simmer that periodically comes to a head with me inappropriately venting, realising I’m being unreasonable, shamefacedly having a word with myself, then getting cross again.
Help may be at hand, however, according to research from Japan, which suggests that writing your grievances on paper then throwing it away may make you less angry. Study participants were deliberately angered by researchers criticising their work and adding gratuitous insulting comments. Participants then wrote down how they felt and either threw the paper away, shredded it or kept it. The ones who disposed of the paper “completely eliminated their anger”.
Although participants were mostly in their – surely less irate? – early 20s, I had to test if it worked on midlife rage too. Dissipating my Boris Johnson or Rwanda policy rage seemed an impossibly big ask, but I wrote them down, plus some pettier, momentary furies: “Why am I the only one who deals with expired hummus?”; “Man in gravel driveway methodically spraying tiny, hopeful dandelion shoots”; “Malfunctioning laptop fan”; and “Towels piled up wet”. All classics.
I found the act of crumpling or ripping (I don’t have a shredder) very physically satisfying – a tiny haptic catharsis. But, examining my feelings afterwards, I was as tooth-grindingly angry about Johnson’s existence as ever. The smaller irritations mostly melted away, but I think the mere act of committing my hummus chuntering to paper was enough to show me how ridiculous I was in quite an anger-deflating way. I’m not sure that disposing of my angry scrawls added anything. Perhaps what would really help my anger management is a running grievance list, whereby I write about everything and everyone I’m cross with. What could possibly go wrong?
• Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist
ers of the continued obesity problem.”
And there’s more, Patel says: “Fifty per cent of your bone structure is protein. So a low-protein diet weakens your bones. And then, of course, because I’m vain, I want my skin and my nails and my hair to look great. One of the first signs when you’re a bit low on protein is that your nails become brittle. Your skin begins to suffer.” Because what do our bodies use to make collagen? It’s amino acids, silly.
What if you’re a child?
Patel and Yeo agree that if you’re able to give your children a balanced diet, you don’t need to be pedantic about protein levels. “Growing children can probably stand to take a little bit more protein because they’re using it,” says Yeo, but they’re smaller than adults, so their portions should still reflect that. The aforementioned official guide was made in 1991 when average body weights were lighter, but they start with 14.5g (about two big eggs) a day for one- to three-year-olds, 19.7g (add a small portion of peas) for four to six, 28.3g (one cup of cooked soya beans) up to 10, then the low 40s until 14. Then the sexes split and from 15, girls need a little more than the adult women’s figure, at 45.4g, whereas for boys the recommendation sits just below grownups at 55.2g.
How do you know if you’re getting enough?
As someone who works with everyone from endurance athletes to menopausal women, Patel knows firsthand that protein needs depend on factors such as age and activity levels. “It’s such an individual thing,” she says. “I might also need a little bit more than you, genetically.” You could work with a dietitian to establish your sweet spot, or try to learn for yourself. She generally advises adults to start by aiming to consume 1g per kg of body weight a day, and start monitoring muscle mass. The gold standard method is a Dexa scan, which uses low-dose X-rays, but most of us wouldn’t have access to one. The next best thing, she says, are the body composition scales you find at the gym. “They’re not accurate like a Dexa, but they can give you an indication over time, if they’re used right, like you’re weighing yourself at the same time every day and not after a workout.”
What if you work out a lot?
Even if you’re fit, it’s not about overdoing it and “eating a whole chicken a day”, says Patel. For bulky rugby players, the protein recommendation is “about 2g per kg in body weight per day, and they’re at the top of what the American College of Sports Medicine recommends.” So would regular people training for a 10k run or marathon, or simply working out regularly, need to take on more protein, or does that apply only to elite athletes? “Not at all,” says Patel. “You have that range from one to two grams and I would say one is where you start. For most gymgoers, and I would say for people who are running a little bit, it’s 1.2g, but it depends on your age.” And then as you’re more active, you move up that gradient, but make sure you boost your protein intake around activity. “There’s no point eating Nando’s chicken at dinner if you did a run in the morning, and you didn’t eat some protein in your breakfast.”
What if you’re pregnant?
Again, we’re all individuals, but Patel says that protein needs while growing babies “are not excessive. In general, you shouldn’t eat for two – you should just eat your healthy balanced diet. Only in the third trimester do you increase your calories by 300.” And when you do so, there’s no need to make a concerted effort to eat a higher proportion of protein, as long as you’re sticking to that healthy, balanced diet.
you’re
What happens when middle-aged?
This is the ideal time for healthy ageing preparation, when hormone production starts dipping – oestrogen and progesterone in women and testosterone in men – and when sarcopenia (reduction in muscle mass) strikes. “We need to make sure we’re getting enough protein from middle age,” says Patel, “perhaps more markedly for women.” The official guide backs this up by upping a woman’s recommended average daily intake to 46.5g of protein. This is the time when we need to up the strength exercises to retain that muscle mass, too.
Do you need more or less in old age?
Valter Longo is a professor of gerontology and biological science at the University of Southern California, and an expert in the epidemiological longevity data that supports not exceeding the official protein guidelines. But even he says that from our late 70s we need a protein boost up to about 1g per kg of bodyweight, daily.
Using Patel’s preferred metrics, you’d already be consuming that, so it would be a little more. “As you age,” says Patel, “you become less efficient in using protein than when you were younger. And this is why elderly people need a little bit more to slow the natural reduction in muscle mass. An older person who’s trying to be active might need 1.4g per kg.”
The best way to consume it all, says Patel, is to spread your intake across your day, with each meal and snack including some protein. Roughly 20g of protein looks like “two eggs with two slices of seeded toast, or two slices of wholemeal toast with a tablespoon of peanut butter and a latte, or 125g of Greek yoghurt with some pumpkin seeds sprinkled on top”. If cottage cheese is your thing, a cup of that with an apple is a 20g protein snack, and meal-component wise, so is “a small chicken breast or half a big one, 75g of smoked or poached salmon or a cup of cooked lentils”.
In her view, eating enough protein is key to maintaining quality of life into old age. “If there’s one functional determinator of how well you live, it’s how much muscle you have,” she says. “That will determine whether or not you can get up the stairs or stand up from the sofa. Age-related muscle loss can have a serious impact on metabolic health and mobility.”
Should you vary your protein sources?
Without getting too technical about it, different protein sources offer different amino acids, and we need the whole gamut to keep ticking over nicely. So protein doesn’t always mean steak or hummus or whatever your favourite is – you need to eat a wide range. “My overall recommendations would be to include some protein at every meal and diversify your sources,” says Patel. This is partly why she doesn’t recommend protein shakes and the like. “Some protein shakes work for some people, as long as they don’t become a substitute for good, proper nutritional habits,” says Patel. “Because in a chicken, you’re not just getting protein, you’re getting magnesium, B vitamins, zinc and iron. In a protein shake, you’re just getting protein.”
• This article was amended on 15 April 2024. An earlier version said the British Nutrition Foundation recommends that men and women eat no more than 56g or 45g of protein a day, respectively. These amounts are guidelines, and not upper recommended limits.