Skinny Wisdom

When someone says “do your worst” to me, I give them a Montessori-school education and a gluten-free cupcake.

Color psychology is my life. Watches are gold, because time is the real currency. Barns are red, because farmers want us to stop

tagging pictures of farm-to-table brunches. I appear to crave independence, but really I just want to read your blog. Braid my hair

and feed me cold tofu. When Dostoevsky wrote that beauty will save the world, I don’t think he meant to inspire a Dove commercial.

When I watched that Dove commercial, I didn’t mean to get turned on. A recent study found that straight women

are most attracted to men with strong immune systems and resistance to hepatitis B. I’m most attracted to those with no resistance

to misshapenness. To catfish accounts. Beowulf was the original Bae. The first baby named Brexit was born in South Beach today.