Skinny Wis­dom

The Iowa Review - - MELISSA BARRETT -

When some­one says “do your worst” to me, I give them a Montes­sori-school ed­u­ca­tion and a gluten-free cup­cake.

Color psy­chol­ogy is my life. Watches are gold, be­cause time is the real cur­rency. Barns are red, be­cause farm­ers want us to stop

tag­ging pic­tures of farm-to-ta­ble brunches. I ap­pear to crave in­de­pen­dence, but re­ally I just want to read your blog. Braid my hair

and feed me cold tofu. When Dos­to­evsky wrote that beauty will save the world, I don’t think he meant to in­spire a Dove com­mer­cial.

When I watched that Dove com­mer­cial, I didn’t mean to get turned on. A re­cent study found that straight women

are most at­tracted to men with strong im­mune sys­tems and re­sis­tance to hep­ati­tis B. I’m most at­tracted to those with no re­sis­tance

to mis­shapen­ness. To cat­fish ac­counts. Be­owulf was the orig­i­nal Bae. The first baby named Brexit was born in South Beach to­day.

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