The Brain Names Itself Asbestos at Best I Am Both Worse and Better Than You Thought Ponds of Blondes Skinny Wisdom More Praise for Stephen King Death Die Dead
The brain named Leif Erikson and Verizon. Named our dog After after “after,” my favorite preposition. The brain named looners, nooners, and euphemisms. Brought an al dente noodle to the spaghetti house. The brain invented paint by numbers with Bob Ross and painted numbers on wooden cubes and a wood of painted bark. It invented acronyms and contractions. DTF at two o’clock. The brain invented measurements for precise timekeeping and the idea that time is a social construct. The brain thinks a thought and thinks about thinking. You don’t get much more meta than a fruit salad served from a watermelon basket. The brain wrote the heaventree of stars hung with humid nightblue fruit. The brain traced lines from stars and starred the best lines from books. The brain wrote books and turned some into props, like the hollowed-out Bible that held alcohol in The Simpsons. The other Homer spoke his books and hollowed out a horse. The brain named Zima, Zafiro Añejo, Helen, and the hippocampus, which comes in the shape of a seahorse. The brain invented comparison. The brain invented cramming. The brain invented irony. Imagine all the med students trying to commit the functions of the hippocampus to memory.