Self-portrait as Orientation in the Peaceful Country

I’ll be honest: I know nothing of war. Once, I saw my grandmother’s bruised cheek.

Ever since, I do my best to usher myself out of the way. I avoid trees on the sidewalk. I give them

a respectful berth. Hasn’t enough been done to them? They look so alone. Sometimes human

beings cross my path I do my best to smile! Often I fear I’m grimacing. I want

to appear happy. I want to appear at ease, I want to say hi to my neighbors.

I don’t know how to do all this going-around. Yesterday, I did my part and didn’t eat meat;

then bought vegetables from the same factory that also factory farms its meat! Then I complained

to Dontae. Then I ate a chicken flauta. No kidding— he said, “Society?” and I just said, “Yeah.” I’m such

a complicit weapon. I’m such a stopyour-donations-for-a-month-because-you-can’t-afford

-how-you-live of a revolutionary. I’m such a read -and-re-read-the-same-article-about-willem-van-spronsen

-instead-of-making-dinner-then-go-get-take-out -and-throw-all-of-your-take-out-trays-away of a perfect

citizen. When I came to work on Saturday morning, Dontae yelled, “I don’t get it! Why aren’t we all going

down to Brazil right now and fighting these wildfires? Why are we all just

standing here!” and Daniel said, “The president is allowing it because there is more economic value in destroying

the rain forest than there is in preserving it,” and I said, “Yeah that’s why so many poor citizens of his country have been

deluded into liking him.” Isn’t it so easy to see problems elsewhere? Isn’t it so easy to look out?

Tell me: how can it seem that the whole world is dying while I am so selfishly wishing my grandfather pain?