Man contemplates adopting stepdaughter

DEAR ABBY » I am thinking about asking my stepdaughter “Gwen” (37 years old with a husband and three kids) if she would like me to adopt her. I married her mother when Gwen was 2. We divorced when she was 8 or 9, so we were out of contact for about 25 years.

Gwen really dislikes her father. Her mother and I have patched things up, so much so that we’ve been on a couple of vacations together. Gwen has been along on both.

We have a special bond that goes back to the first time I met her. She was a terror, and her mother, grandmother and the rest of the family had basically given up on her. But we clicked. I was patient with her, and we became close. When we were together a few weeks ago on vacation, she asked if I wanted to come to Colorado, which is halfway across the country from where I live, for her daughter’s 3rd birthday party. I’m going.

I love her dearly and always have. I missed her terribly during the years her mother and I barely communicated. I was able to see my kids, but not her. Now I feel that closeness again, and I want to officially adopt her as I should have back when she was 2. What do you think, Abby? — Loving Her in Louisiana

DEAR LOVING HER » Do not make such an important decision on impulse. Be prudent and let this renewed relationship with your ex and her daughter play out a while longer before making any decisions. Then, if you still feel the same, talk to your ex about what you have inmind. If she reacts positively, discuss it with Gwen. But I urge you to use caution because your ex may consider herself and her daughter to be a package deal and expect you to “adopt” her. This should be discussed with your lawyer.