Tension with sister’s fiance makes holiday bleak

DEAR ABBY » I woke up crying this morning. The holidays are fast approaching, and many of them I spent with my younger sister “Leyla” and her family. It has been a tradition because our parents are no longer living. My sisters live on the mainland.

Leyla’s fiance doesn’t care for me, so last year’s celebration wasn’t very fun, although I did enjoy my family. Her fiance and I have never had an argument nor have I ever said anything negative to him. He’s insecure and wants Leyla to himself.

I was gone for the holidays in 2018 because I was caring for our elderly father. I hadn’t been to their home for almost two years before that. During that time he had my sister all to himself. The last time I visited he wasn’t nice to me. It didn’t feel good.

Now, with this upcoming holiday season, I know I won’t be invited to join them, which makes me sad and mad at the same time. My sister doesn’t deal with life like I do. I am very family-oriented, and I would never let a man come between us. It breaks my heart knowing I won’t be a part of their lives this year for the holidays. I’m 65, and Leyla is 61. We shouldn’t be dealing with this kind of thing in our lives. What should I do?

— Sad Island Lady

DEAR SAD » Discuss this with Leyla and find out whether you will be invited to visit this year. Many families are distancing not because of personality conflicts but because of COVID. It may be possible to see your sister via Zoom or outside her home.

If that isn’t possible, make plans with friends and/or other relatives. Many people will be celebrating Christmas and New Year’s differently this year.