Marriage is not in the future for divorcee

DEAR ABBY » I’m a single mom. I have a man in my life who I have been with for almost four years. He went through a bad divorce during the time we got together, and anytime I try to mention marriage in the future, he gets upset.

I know my kids aren’t his, so he owes us nothing, but I need more stability and the assurance that if something were to happen to him, we would be OK. So what do I do?

— Mystified in

Minnesota

DEAR MYSTIFIED » Talk to your significant other. Add that after four years, he should know by now what your needs are and that he can trust you — but you need stability for your kids’ sakes and your own. If he can’t bring himself to make another trip to the altar, a trip to a lawyer’s office might yield an agreement that meets your needs and his.

DEAR ABBY » I have reached a place in life where I’m getting older and have more money than I need. My husband and I want to give to our nieces, nephews and some cousins who we know are struggling financially. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this without being insulting?

Some of the nieces are quite well off, while others are a car repair away from not being able to pay their mortgage. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

— Helping Our Own in

New Hampshire

DEAR HELPING » This is something you should discuss with your financial adviser or your attorney. Your reasoning is sound, but keep in mind that unequal bequests can be problematic for the recipients in the long run.