Childhood abuse puts woman on difficult path

DEAR ABBY » I’m a widow in a new relationship. I was molested for years by an older sibling. When my behavior became troublesome — skipping school, becoming antisocial — I was sent to a reform school for several years. The sibling was sent into the army.

When I was released from the school, I drifted into worse relationships and into the sex trade. I got out of that after six months. I’ve always felt like a “good girl,” but the past haunts me.It was always in the back of my mind. It still pops up on a regular basis, but I have not told my new partner.

A friend once told me that people don’t need to know everything about you, and I believe that. Some folks blamed me for the abuse, although it started before I was 8. Sometimes I feel I should tell my partner, as it does affect my behavior. I’ve had counseling, but it didn’t help me. When I confronted my abuser years later, he told me it was my problem.

Do I need to share this to be completely honest about who I am?

— Good Girl in

Washington

DEAR GOOD GIRL » What you suffered as a child was not your fault. You needed counseling then, not blame.

Not knowing your partner, I cannot decide for you whether you should reveal your history to him. I can, however, strongly recommend that you contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). When you do, you will be talking with a trained counselor who can guide you.

The RAINN website is rainn.org and its toll-free phone number is 800-6564673. Please don’t wait to reach out. Everything is confidential.