DEAR ABBY DEAR

ABBY:

I have been married to my wife for two years, after being together for 10 years. We have two kids with a third on the way. Our relationship is great. It’s healthy. I just have this feeling of loneliness. I feel like I have my children and that’s it. My mind often wanders to a woman from the past. I would never leave my children because they are my world. I just cannot control or ignore these chronic feelings of unhappiness and loneliness. I’ll be honest: I wish I could just have one conversation with said woman. I don’t know what to do.

— Ron in California DEAR RON: “One conversation” with the woman from your past won’t fix what has gone wrong with your marriage. You have a responsibility to your wife and your growing family. What you are experiencing could be symptoms of depression. You may be feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities you now carry and subconsciously yearning for the carefree years you enjoyed before you were formally married. Before you feel more alienated than you already do, I urge you to talk this out with a licensed psychotherapist.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who has a habit of giving me unsolicited gifts. It’s little things like string lights for my patio or a small toy for my daughter, but it makes me feel obligated to give her a gift back.

I would rather not be stuck in this continual gift exchange loop, especially during a pandemic when you’re not supposed to be seeing people outside your household. This friend has shown up unannounced at my doorstep to drop off a gift without letting me know she’s coming.

The last gift she offered I refused because it was an offensive toy that wasn’t age appropriate for my daughter. Was I right to do that? How can I stop this cycle without hurting my friend’s feelings?

— Gifted in the West DEAR GIFTED: Understand that this friend may not give you these gifts out of generosity, but because it gives her an excuse to interact with you. You have a right to refuse any item intended for yourself or your child that you feel is inappropriate. Jump off the gift-giving treadmill by telling this person her friendship is enough and you will no longer accept any gifts because it makes you uncomfortable.

DEAR ABBY: I have an older relative who uses the word “whatever” when she is done discussing something. I don’t think she realizes how dismissive it comes across to others. It’s as if she doesn’t care about the other person’s opinion or comments. It creates a barrier with family, and I think people distance from her because of it. I avoid talking to her because it’s so blunt and rude. How can I explain that the word now has a negative connotation and should be avoided?

— Staying away to not get hurt DEAR STAYING AWAY: Address it the next time she uses “whatever” in conversation with you. Ask if she is using the word because she isn’t interested in what you are trying to convey and what she means by it. then explain how hearing it made you feel, because it may not have been her intent. (If it was, then you, too, have a right to distance yourself.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: My nephew “Dave” recently took a DNA test and discovered that my brother and I have a different father than our other two siblings.

I have lived my entire life with the understanding that my family is my family. Now Dave, who has an obsession with genealogy, has my brother and me listed as “half-siblings.” I am not a half-anything, and while DNA could be used to prove my father is not my father, I have no intention of testing my own DNA or contesting my parentage.

Maybe I’m out of line, but I want the “half” designation removed from our family profile. I’m hoping you can give me a reality check. Am I blowing this out of proportion, or do you think it would be appropriate to ask him to remove the designation?

— Whole, not half in Indiana DEAR WHOLE: I understand why you are upset. However, you seem to have interpreted this as a personal insult or a value judgment on Dave’s part. It isn’t. This has nothing to do with the way you and your brother were raised; of course your family is your family. But genetically, you and your brother are different from the other two siblings, which is why I don’t think it would be appropriate to ask your nephew to remove the designation.

DEAR ABBY: I’m 55, and my sister is 50. She has always been mean and hateful toward me. Even though I have done my best to keep her from going off the deep end, she has always struck back at me even meaner. She is schizophrenic, paranoid and bipolar.

Despite my making her my maid of honor at my wedding (Mom forced me) and making her godmother at my child’s baptism, she has continued to be a beyond-evil demon because I didn’t do some things right, according to her. She has tried hard to turn my 19-year-old daughter against me and slams me for being a grandma to my grandchild. (She can’t have kids.) Family has always let her slide due to her mental illness. Please advise.

— Beaten down in Missouri DEAR BEATEN DOWN: Your sister is a sick woman. If your daughter doesn’t understand that, make it clear to her. I don’t know how much input you have in your grandchild’s upbringing, but if there is any truth to what has been said, it may be time to use a lighter touch if you are being perceived as heavy-handed.

By letting your sister’s behavior “slide due to her mental illness,” the rest of your family has contributed to the person she has become. However, this does not mean you must be involved with her, and if you are smart, you will start to disengage.

DEAR ABBY: I am surprised I see so many nurses wearing their scrubs in the supermarket. To me, if they are coming from the hospital, their clothes will have germs on them, and if they are going to the hospital, they could bring germs with them. What do you say?

— Vinnie in New Jersey DEAR VINNIE: Many people in the medical field choose to wear scrubs because they are convenient. Whether these individuals are actually nurses is anybody’s guess. They could be office staff, technicians, etc. and not necessarily exposing the public or patients to germs they wouldn’t otherwise encounter.

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