DEAR ANNIE DEAR ANNIE:

One of my good female friends graduated from a rival college of mine. We love talking smack about who has a better football team. When her school loses games, I gloat. One time this year, I said her school had zero chance of winning against my school. I did this level of trash-talking for two months, practically daily.

She said that if I was so confident, then I should put it on the line. I told her to name the stakes. She said if my school lost one game in particular, starting Jan. 1, I would have to post a new picture of myself on social media in a thong every day for a year, holding a sign saying, “My school sucks.” Well, my school lost, and it was never close.

She texted me during the game talking smack. I said the bet was just a joke. She said it was not and that she could show our friends our text receipts. I’m worried what people will say if I start posting the kind of content we discussed. My friends from high school and college plus my coworkers would see it. Is there any way I can get out of this?

— Unfriendly Bet DEAR UNFRIENDLY BET: You and your friend can joke all you want about college sports, but long gone are the dorm days. You’re both adults with myriad responsibilities and obligations; posting the kind of pictures you described could lead to serious fallout at work and in your relationships, not to mention chip away at your dignity.

Give your friend a call and draw your line in the sand. Assure her that if the game had gone in your favor, there’s no way you would actually expect her to post these photos online, either. Perhaps a happy medium would be repping her team’s spirit wear instead of your alma mater’s in a single defeat post. Only do what you feel comfortable with. If you find the situation can’t be sorted civilly, call it quits on all future bet-making with this friend — and maybe give some thought to whether or not she should be on your friend roster at all.

DEAR ANNIE: I’m 54, and my boyfriend is 57. We’re in a long-distance relationship, 1,700 miles apart. It’s been going on for almost two years now. I’ve flown to see him three times, and he wants to plan another visit for May. At that point, it will have been almost seven months since our last visit.

He’s never flown to my state to visit me. I live on the East Coast, and he lives on the West Coast. His adult children live about eight hours from me. He’s planning a visit with them in February, but I’m not included in those plans. His mother lives with him on the West Coast, so when I visit him, we don’t get private time at his house because she’s there. I rarely call him because it seems like when I do, he has to take other calls, so I wait for him to call me. When I experiment with a new recipe and share it with him, I’m told how well his daughter cooks or how he or his mother would do it. I don’t feel like a priority in his life and like I’ll always be last in line to his two daughters and his mother. Am I overthinking or overanalyzing things?

— Long-Distance Lovers DEAR LONG-DISTANCE: If anything, I’d say you’re finally confronting reality. The truth of the matter is you’re playing second fiddle in this man’s life while you’ve made him the first chair in yours. After two years of dating, he’s not visited your home, integrated you into his close relationships or simply kept up regular, consistent communication. If a breakthrough hasn’t happened yet, I doubt it ever will. There are far better options out there for you than this fella — and I’d reckon a lot closer to home.

DEAR ANNIE: Recently, during a visit from my 50-year-old son, I was bullied, threatened, taunted and treated cruelly by him. I don’t know why. I responded indignantly while my husband said nothing. His behavior was unlike anything I had ever experienced, although I have seen him bully others many times.

I have heard no words of regret from him after many months. His behavior and my husband’s lack of response still cause me deep pain.

I continue to offer the financial support to him that I have always provided, but now I feel conflicted about it. I don’t want to make this about money because that isn’t the case. Stopping the money seems to confuse the issue, which is really about his behavior and lack of remorse. Other than ignoring him, I don’t know how to react. What is a reasonable response to his actions?

— Bullied Mom DEAR BULLIED: It’s high time to cut the cash flow, not as a punishment but as a reminder, to your son and yourself, that you are not an ATM. You are a living, breathing person who deserves respect and love from her family. He’ll throw a hissy fit, no doubt, but tough cookies. Most 50year-olds don’t get allowances.

As for your husband: The only way to find out what was going through his head that day is to ask him. He might have been equally intimidated by your son. But whatever the reason, let him know you’d appreciate his backing you up should anyone treat you that way again in the future.

DEAR ANNIE: I met my husband three weeks after I left my mentally abusive ex. At the time, my two children were 2 and 4 and “Jim” raised them as they were his own.

They’re now 22 and 24. He supported them in every way possible. Jim and I also have three beautiful children together.

Here’s the issue: Two years ago, I was having a texting exchange with my daughter, “Trish” (whom I’ve been very close to), and I became very upset. Jim asked to see what was going on and was shocked by the things that Trish was saying to me. He intervened and told her that she was abusing me and that it was unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.

Trish and I have had limited contact since that day. Fast-forward to today and now she is a college graduate and four months pregnant with her boyfriend, whom I’ve never even met. I very much want to be in my grandchild’s life but my husband says if I “fold,” then I’m enabling her atrocious behavior.

This puts me right in the middle. Jim and I have a wonderful relationship, but the only time we have issues is when it comes to my two older children. We have an upcoming event where we will all be together, and I don’t know how to act toward her. Jim doesn’t want to have anything to do with her until she apologizes to me, which I just don’t see happening due to insecurity and narcissistic tendencies on her part. This is extremely upsetting, and I’m at my wits’ end with what to do. Any advice would be most appreciated!

—M DEAR M: Jim’s heart is in the right place. It’s natural and healthy for partners to be protective of one another, and because you came into this relationship several weeks after getting out of an abusive one, it would be no surprise if Jim feels especially determined to shield you. But he needs to trust you to decide for yourself the degree to which you can have a relationship with your daughter.

Consider attending marriage counseling, even for just a few sessions. It can equip you with the skills for navigating the complicated dynamics at play here.

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