Dear annie

DEAR ANNIE:

I have been with “Garrett” for over four years now. I have a son who is 9, and we share a daughter, 3. I was a single mom for four years before I met Garrett, so I did everything on my own.

Garrett is always willing to make my lunch for work, clean after I get home from work, do laundry, etc. so I can relax. My problem is I tend to say no. I’ll do it myself, and then I become overwhelmed trying to do everything. I know I’m being resistant, but I feel as a mom, it’s my sole responsibility to do so. How do I loosen up and let him help me out more without feeling guilty that I’m not doing enough?

— Used to Being Manic Mom

DEAR MANIC MOM: Take a moment and cut yourself some slack. After so many years as a single mom, it makes sense you might feel like you’re not operating at full capacity. But I guarantee you’re doing much more than you’re giving yourself credit for.

It takes time to adjust to the idea of letting another person into your life and routine, but try your best to normalize it and get comfortable. You are lucky to have a husband and father who wants to pitch in as your equal: That’s what good partners do. Now, you just have to let him.

DEAR ANNIE: I’m a teenager about to be a junior in high school in the fall. So far, high school has been bland. Nothing exciting happens. I guess the only thing that is exciting is the fact that I’m going to Japan on a school trip in less than two weeks. I want to go to college, but I want to attend a college out of state because I want a fresh start. Plus, I don’t want to see former classmates at college. (I have some ideas in mind as to which out-of-state colleges to go to, but I haven’t visited them yet. My main focus is to see if they have Japanese as a major.)

I want a fresh start for myself; I want to have some kind of friend group (I’m an introvert), a boyfriend, and I want to attend parties but not so many that it’s like I only went to college just to party. But I’ve noticed that I have a hard time making decisions about certain things because I’m too worried that whatever I choose will be a bad decision in the future. I tend to dwell on the future rather than the present, which makes me very upset with myself. I tend to be very hard on myself, which makes me feel like I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to this stuff.

I also noticed that I’m always worrying about things instead of just relaxing and “being a teenager.” Other times, I feel like I’m behind in everything that should happen to teenagers. Sometimes, I just want to give up and stop trying because nothing is going right for me. But other times, I want to keep going and try and see what happens. What should I do?

— Doubting Everything in Life

DEAR DOUBTING: Another instance that warrants more self-love and grace. You sound like a very bright, conscientious, mature teen with so much potential and promise. None of us know exactly what the future holds. Don’t let the fear of that unknown rob you of today’s joy and living your present life to the fullest.

Continue pursuing your passions, like studying Japanese and traveling. Meet new people, try new things, take chances, and keep an open mind. You have a good head on your shoulders that, regardless of what decisions you make or paths you take, I’m confident you’ll always land on your feet.

DEAR READERS: Happy Father’s Day. Below is a beautiful letter written for Father’s Day. While there is sadness, there is a wonderful message namely that love is always the answer.

DEAR ANNIE: I am a newly minted member of the group of us who will spend Father’s Day without our fathers. Without the phone call. Or the card. Or the flowers or the celebratory meal. No dad jokes or dad hugs or dad reassurances. No one requests membership in this club, but it’s one most of us inevitably join.

Dad — or Papadoodle, as we called him — was with us on Christmas, in perfect health and perfectly himself: slinging presents, slurping his morning mocha, laughing with his family and at himself. Snorkeling, playing pickleball, talking to our son for hours on the chaise lounge, dressing up for dinner even though he preferred his trademark polo and cargo shorts. Two weeks later, out of the blue, a heart attack brought an untimely demise. One day he was here, and then in an instant, he was gone.

A few nights after, while drifting to sleep in my childhood home, I knew my father was with me. I felt him so deeply, perhaps as profoundly as I’ve felt anything in my life. He wrapped me in a big warm hug, an embrace teeming with the kind of love only a parent could bestow. And in that moment, he explained the true significance of the parent-child relationship. “It’s so simple, don’t you get it?” he said. “It’s just about love, and that’s what I gave you. Can’t you see? Nothing else matters if you don’t have that.” The strength of his love was staggering; it surrounded me and burst from inside my heart.

My dad was a deep thinker, an intellectual, a man with a vocabulary as big as his heart. He taught us to love the outdoors, show everyone kindness and not skip the sunsets. He taught us to follow our passions and to never, ever forget to laugh. But his greatest gift? Deep and unconditional love. There was never a time that I didn’t know how loved I was by my father.

So, this Father’s Day, as we wrap up a necktie or a new book, let’s all remember that the most important thing we can offer anyone is love. It’s accessible to us all, and it’s what means the most. This Father’s Day, I am comforted by the assurance that my beloved Papadoodle, and his undying love and spirit, will be with me forever.

— Love is the Answer DEAR LOVE: Thank you for your beautiful letter and incredible wisdom it shares. He sounded like an amazing man. What a gift he gave to you to live a life bursting with love.