DEAR ABBY

The Maui News - - Time Out -

DEAR ABBY: I’m in high school. My boyfriend lives across the coun­try in a dif­fer­ent state. He is a teenager, too. I have asked peo­ple for ad­vice about this be­fore and mostly got­ten the same an­swer. They say, “Wait ‘til you’re older,” or, “Your mom is just look­ing out for you.” I don’t be­lieve it.

So I’m ask­ing for ad­vice on how to tell my mom that I’m in a longdis­tance re­la­tion­ship, and I would like to meet him in per­son. We met on a game about a year and a half ago. We’ve dated twice be­fore for about a month or two. But now we have been dat­ing for al­most five months.

When I told my mom about him, she didn’t like him. She doesn’t even know him! How can I con­vince her that he’s a good per­son and she just has to get to know him so she’ll let me see him? I’m afraid to tell her be­cause the idea makes me ner­vous. She re­fuses to un­der­stand that he is good to me, and he loves me and I love him. Al­though we’re only teenagers, we have talked about for­ever. Do you have any ad­vice for me?

— Strug­gling in Pennsylvan­ia DEAR STRUG­GLING: Yes, I do, and I hope you will take to heart what I am about to say be­cause I am not pa­tron­iz­ing you. Look at this from your mother’s per­spec­tive. This young man is some­one she has never met in per­son and nei­ther have you. Yes, you have been talk­ing, but there is no guar­an­tee that he is ev­ery­thing he has rep­re­sented him­self to be in those con­ver­sa­tions.

It is a mother’s JOB to pro­tect her child. There is truth to the state­ment that she is “just look­ing out for you.” I be­lieve the feel­ings you have for this young man are valid, but I also feel that if he lived close by and your mother could meet him, things might be dif­fer­ent.

For the time be­ing, con­tinue com­mu­ni­cat­ing with him and per­haps a more se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship will de­velop. How­ever, con­sider this: What would you do if you fi­nally found your­self in the same room with him and the chem­istry wasn’t what you ex­pected it would be? This has been known to hap­pen. (Trust me on that!) Time will tell if this is the real thing.

DEAR ABBY: My girl­friend and I have been sep­a­rated for nearly a year. Prior to this we dated for nearly four years.

Af­ter her mom passed, she fell into a de­pres­sion and was griev­ing deeply. I went to see her and she said it was over. We’ve had some con­tact, but it has dwin­dled to noth­ing. I brought my cat into the re­la­tion­ship, and now she won’t give it back. She isn’t an­swer­ing my phone calls or texts. I’m blocked. I’ve tried let­ters and had friends try to talk to her. It’s just mind-bog­gling.

She’s 57 years old. She’s not a spring chicken. I will have to go to small claims court to get my cat back. I’d like to sal­vage the re­la­tion­ship and try to avoid all this.

— Cat prob­lems in Florida DEAR CAT PROB­LEMS: You seem like a nice per­son, and I sym­pa­thize, so I will of­fer this ob­ser­va­tion. You de­serve an apol­ogy from that woman for her be­hav­ior. Do not try to sal­vage the re­la­tion­ship, which ap­pears to have ended when her mother died. In time, you will find a lady friend who will re­cip­ro­cate your feel­ings. Do take her to small claims court to get your cat back be­cause, as it stands, it is the safest and most le­gal way you are go­ing to have your furry fam­ily mem­ber re­turned.

***

Good ad­vice for every­one — teens to se­niors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

To order “How to Write Let­ters for All Oc­ca­sions,” send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Let­ter Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.

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