Grandparents’ favoritism vexing

DEAR AMY: I have two sons, and my sister-in-law has three children. My boys aren’t into sports, but their cousins are and their grandparents go to their games and spend a lot of time with them.

My husband confronted his mother about this matter and she said he was just being jealous. But she still hasn’t invited our children camping, nor have their grandparents had any contact with them in a month.

My husband feels we are left out a lot. My in-laws say it’s just that they go to the games. Is that a valid reason to spend more time with one part of the family than another? Feeling Hurt

DEAR HURT: Sports do give people a way to connect with the children in their lives.

If your children are as accessible to these grandparents as their cousins, your in-laws are being patently unfair.

You two should promote a relationship between your children and these grandparents by inviting the older couple to spend time with your family.

I also hope these cousins are close. Children are very aware of favoritism, and the effects can permanently damage relationships, as well as create bitter memories. You can acknowledge this favoritism to your boys, but you should not dwell on it.

DEAR AMY: I have been with my boyfriend, “Tom,” for four years. Tom and I have different faiths. We are very secure in our interfaith relationship.

My brother “Gary” has made it abundantly clear that he does not support us. He cornered Tom at a family event to express his utter disdain for him and our relationship. This encounter was extremely upsetting. Gary apologized to me (but never to Tom), and with Tom’s support I’ve managed to keep Gary in my life, but we are not as close as we once were.

Tom and I want to get married, but I don’t want Gary to attend our wedding. I am very nervous about how he would treat Tom and his family. I just know Gary will be crushed to learn that he’s not invited.

How can I tell my brother that I love him but do not want him to be a part of this life event? Ready to Move Forward

DEAR READY: If you want to exclude your brother, you have to tell him your decision is a consequence of his behavior.

Or you could tell him, “Tom and I are getting married. We would like to include you, but you have made it clear that you don’t support our union. If you can’t be respectful of us and his family, you should stay home.”

DEAR AMY: I was appalled by your response to “Confused by a Cheapskate,” whose boyfriend never shared expenses. You suggested she slide the restaurant check toward him to see what he does. That is passive-aggressive. Upset

DEAR UPSET: I have a theory that “Confused” may be leaping to pick up the check to avoid forcing the issue. Waiting may reveal her boyfriend’s choice.