Husband dips into wife’s diary
DEAR AMY: My wife and I have been together for 14 years. We have four children, from teens to a toddler. We are both 36.
We have had a few bumps this past year, including having an unexpected child who has health problems, my wife’s family moving in with us (we later had to evict them), an arrest (mine), and her having a manic episode and being committed to a mental hospital for six days. She has been regulated on her meds and seems to be doing a lot better with everything.
She’s a stay-at-home mom. When I get home, I give her a break; she goes into her room and listens to music, writes in her journal or checks social media sites.
While this is fine with me, recently it’s become an issue. I feel ignored.
I did something I shouldn’t have done: I read her journal. I had to see what was wrong with her. In her journal she said she has always had self-esteem issues, that she tries to make herself more attractive because she craves attention (which I try to give her), and that she’s bored and sees risky behavior approaching.
She didn’t write anything more for two days. The next entry was about how I was jealous of a male friend of ours because they message a lot on Facebook. She wrote that she has no interest in him or anyone else. She said that I need to get past it.
I worry this is leading us to lies, cheating and divorce. Should I bring this up? Should I change something I’m doing? I don’t know how to fix this.
I honestly feel she still loves me but maybe isn’t in love with me anymore. I want her to be happy. Worried
DEAR WORRIED: The main thing you can change is to get your face out of your wife’s private diary. If you are concerned about lying and cheating, perhaps you should look in the mirror. Reading her diary is disrespect of the first order.
Your wife might be approaching another manic episode. If you are worried about this, you should discuss it with her. If you are jealous of her friend- ship with another man, you should be honest about it, and then consider trusting her if she says she isn’t into him.
You have glossed over your own actions — you mention you were arrested but you don’t say why.
She is expressing some things in her diary that she should (also) express to you, but she has the right to her private thoughts. You two should see a therapist together to discuss your considerable family stressors and work on how to communicate more effectively and respectfully.
DEAR AMY: “Sad” was an older sister who was worried about her teen sister’s use of the drug “Molly.” I appreciated your answer, but you weren’t strong enough. A girl in our town overdosed on this drug. It is very dangerous. Concerned DEAR CONCERNED: New and synthetic drugs seem to be flooding into our communities. It is terrifying.