Retiree: no to ‘friend requests’

DEAR AMY » I recently retired from a very large organization. During my 20-plus years working there, I became acquainted with literally hundreds of people. Some of these are dear friends that I want to keep in touch with forever, some are people I was friendly with at work but not outside of work, and some I was friendly with at work only because I had to be, not because I liked them. I met my husband at work and naturally we have dozens, if not hundreds, of mutual acquaintances. I was looking forward to retirement, when I could relax and enjoy my true friends, and let go of all the rest.

Enter the era of social media. I get frequent “friend requests” from former workmates who I never knew personally in the decades we were employed together.

My personal rule in accepting social media “friends” is: If we weren’t really personal friends before, I don’t accept the social media friend requests from former workmates.

My husband and I worked with another married couple for decades. We never socialized together outside of work. He is one of my husband’s social media friends. She is of my third category of former workmates, one who I really was looking forward to having out of my life.

What do I do about the wife, who keeps asking her husband to ask my husband why I haven’t accepted her social media friend request?

Do I continue to ignore her request, and neither confirm nor reject? Do I accept it, but block my news feed from seeing her posts?

I don’t believe in unnecessarily hurting other peoples’ feelings, but what do I do? — Wish to Retire in Peace

DEAR WISH TO RETIRE » Stick to your guns, and run your own social media empire the way you want to. Your husband could pass along this statement, “My wife is in charge of her own social media.” You could dodge this by accepting the friend request and then “hiding” this person’s posts, but don’t do this unless it would serve your own interests in some way. If this former co-worker wants to actually befriend you, she can contact you personally.

DEAR AMY » I’d like to offer some wonderful in-law advice that was given to me years ago and has worked wonderfully in my 20-plus years of marriage.

When there is a problem with in-laws, the married couple should discuss the problem, reach a solution, and then each spouse deals with their own people. I always deal with my family and my husband always deals with his family. This has really helped my strained relationship with the in-laws. —J

DEAR J » Being on the same page with your spouse is the necessary first step. Communicating separately to family members is good advice.