Childhood abuse victim struggles

DEAR AMY » I’d like to know how to get over a lifetime of embarrassment. I was raised by selfabsorbed and often cruel parents. Both of them took delight in humiliating me as a child. My father would stand up at my birthday parties and tell jokes about me in front of my friends.

He would make fun of me until I cried, and then laugh at me.

While working one of my first jobs, I had a strong crush on my boss (that I never acted on). My mother knew about it. One day, she showed up at my job, found my boss and went on and on to him, laughing, about how much I “loved him.” There were many other incidents.

Now, I am a married, working woman and I live far away from my parents. However, I am still haunted by these memories, and I am so hypersensitive to possible embarrassment that I live in a constant state of anxiety. I have been to therapy, and while my therapist was lovely, nothing much has changed for me. I’m not sure if I need more therapy, or something else. Confronting my parents does nothing, because they remain just as unapologetic of their behavior. They do not care what I think or feel. How do I navigate through this? DEAR EMBARRASSED » What you are describing is emotional abuse, and I am so sorry that you had to experience that.

You don’t mention if you’ve discussed your anxieties with your spouse, but they are there to love and support you, and they can be a source of guidance if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

I would also recommend visiting your therapist again. Treatment is a process, and being open and honest is an important first step to seeing results. Tell them what you’re going through, and describe the anxiety you’re experiencing.

If you’re still unable to connect with your therapist, ask for help finding different treatment. Your therapist’s job is to help you, so that you can get better at helping yourself. The elements required to cope with the legacy of abuse are: time, patience, talk therapy and meditation — or possibly medication — to deal with your more serious anxiety symptoms. DEAR AMY » Thank you so much for advocating for childhood literacy through your “Book on Every Bed” holiday campaign.

This year, not only did we do this with our own children, but we “adopted” a local family and made sure their children also had books on their beds on Christmas morning. DEAR LOVING LITERACY » I am so proud to have spread this simple idea. Thank you for spreading it further.