Mature enough for street bike?

DEARAMY » I’m a 22-year- old girl. I live with my mom (my parents are divorced).

My mom and I have a healthy relationship built on mutual trust and honesty, but I am struggling with a secret that I have been keeping for the past six months.

I was bit by the motorcycle bug at a young age, but she gets extremely angry every time I’ve mentioned it, because a close family member died on a motorcycle.

Mom has threatened to kick me out if I ever buy a motorcycle, so I went behind her back last summer and got my M1 endorsement and recently bought a street bike.

I am currently planning to move out this year for a job position, but the dates are not solidified. I keep my gear and the bike at a friend’s house to avoid my mother finding out.

I recently told my dad everything, and while he has been horrified and worried for my safety, he understands because he also hid a motorcycle from his family when he was younger.

I feel incredibly guilty that I am keeping this secret from my mom, and I want to tell her, but I am scared of damaging my close relationship with her. She has health problems that worsen with stress, which could be very dangerous for her.

What should I do? I stayed away from motorcycles as long as I could, but it has been a dreamof mine. Should I tell her? If so, how should I go about it? — Conflicted Daughter

DEAR CONFLICTED » I don’t want to come down too hard on you, but your selfishness makes my eyes water

You lost a close family member to a motorcycle accident.

Your mother has health problems, which are made worse by worry and stress.

Your mother has been very clear in describing the conditions regarding motorcycle ownership and you living at home. She is also providing (I’m assuming, free) housing, enabling you to buy your street bike on the sly.

You have all the information you need to have concerning how your choices would affect others, and so you decided to lie about your choices, but now you feel bad because your guilt is such a burden.

I can’t take your guilt away. Your guilt about this is actually a gift. Your guilt is your mature adulthood come calling, and it is telling you to stop being such a baby.

The mature thing to do would be to sell this bike, use the money from the sale to hasten your moveout and then live your life however you want to — telling the truth in the future and compassionately handling the consequences.

You won’t do the mature thing, and so you’ll have to do the harder thing, which is to be honest with your mother now, reassuring her every step of the way about your training and safety on the bike. Before you have this conversation, you had better line up other housing.